Not there.

Within the past three months I have been reintroduced to the idea of Nayeli's father (step-mother and siblings) being in here life. I am happy that she will more than likely not recall a time she did not have contact with them. I think that's as it should be. While I am so very happy for her, that perhaps missing that part of her family (as in having no contact with them) will not be an issue, I am finding I have to 'deal' with some things/feelings I would really, really, really.. really, really rather not. Tonight Nayeli's step(or bonus, whichever works) mom posted a video of Nayeli's father helping his other daughter learn to walk. She's a precious little girl, and it was a cute video... mommy and daddy together. I liked it. I like parents being good parents. It warms my heart. I'm a comparer. I love finding pics and videos of Nayeli at her siblings ages and oohing at how much they looked alike or made the same sounds. I found a video of Nayeli walking. She was just barely starting... I saw her start from the entertainment area. Since normally it was me with the kids, even though Jeremy was around, she didn't have someone holding her hands, giving her security if she faltered. She had me cheering her on, gently calling to her, trying my best to be everything I could be for her. I still try. She told me a week or so ago, randomly, "I never met my dad." I said, "You've talked to him on the phone," and she replied, "Yeah, but I never seen him." I said, "You've seen him on Skype." She came back with, "But I never been by him." Then I stopped. She hasn't. I don't know when she will be. Sometimes it hurts so bad to have these precious children who I adore more than I can explain. I want to be there for them as much as they need. I'm just me though. There is so much I feel I can't do alone. I feel SO alone sometimes. Austin had to do a paper for school... 'If I found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I would use the money...' the last thing on his list was that he would use the money to give his dad freedom from jail every year if there was enough. I feel like a failure as a mom. How could I make these sweet little vessels of feelings and knowledge with people who weren't going to stick around? I know I didn't know they weren't going to stick around, but I feel like I should have.

Life 1.5 Years Later (Almost)

Life is good. I have been in Salina, Kansas since August, have a nice job with good co-workers and I have a fantastic boyfriend! Sam and I are still going through our divorce. It would be so much easier if it was cheap, but it's not and I have to always put the kids needs first. I will be happy to close that chapter of my life once and for all though.

I had a beautiful baby girl, Nayeli Elizabeth, January 28th of this year. She is almost one and she's wonderful. Austin is great as well. The temporary order in the divorce gave me full physical and legal custody of him. His dad came to visit last July/August and then he pretty much stopped calling after that. The two have talked less than ten times in the past four months. Sam was in jail for two of those months and says he still probably has some time to serve due to his three DUIs between June 2007 and April 2008. All which were car accidents involving other people. Wisconsin Child Support is also going after because he has not paid any child support since it's been ordered and that was almost five months ago.

Nayeli's father isn't involved either. In September he asked if he could come see her and then I never heard from him again. He got married in October, I think.. I didn't even know he was seeing someone.

Jeremy, my boyfriend, loves the kids. We have dinners together as a family, we play and laugh and tickle and watch movies and do other things. He is always home when he's not working and he is kind and gentle. Never raises a hand, says a mean word, or drinks. I am very glad we are together and that he is a great emotional support for me. It's amazing but since getting out of some of the horrible situations I was in, in the past, I don't need much emotional support... I'm not nearly as emotional. Go figure. ;-)

Well anyway, Merry Chirstmas if you're reading this!

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
Dec. 28th, 2008 10:49 am (local)
I miss you. But I'm glad you're finally happy.

Dear Friends...

Hey-
I just thought I'd give another update.. sometimes I miss posting on livejournal... Anyway... Update...

I'm pregnant. It's not Sam's baby. My family knows. The father knows, and now apparently Sam's command knows and wants to get the father kicked out of the military. Because in the military adultery is illegal.

CPS has been a little more involved in my life since January, right after Sam spazzed out cuz of alcohol, and even more so after April when he slapped me... I eventually came to the conclusion he was more than likely sleeping when he slapped me, but it's still not something I ever want to deal with again.

Sam knows I'm pregnant, and that it's not his. His been seeming a lot more grown up since I got back from Wisconsin... Well, for the most part. Really it's only been the past week and half that he's seemed "better." And I know how the cycle goes, but I always hope that he really has changed.

I'm super stressed about a lot in life, but it's only effecting me a little, or at least not as much as it would have in the past.

I get little bouts of saddness but I seem to be dealing with that kind of thing much better, I want to say since October than I ever have in my life... Maybe it's been more recent though.

Austin always brings me joy, and on top of that I have incredible friends.

I'm still a little lost for the time being though. I'll try to keep you up to speed.

<3me



COMMENTS:
vivrelavie wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2007 08:48 am (local)
Oh wow, Amy. *hugs*

summer_mommy wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2007 10:32 am (local)
*hugs* Remember I'm always here if you need me.

What's going on...

april 12- sam slapped me (says he was sleeping... and i sorta believe him, but i'm not positive) he was sleeping and i tried to wake him up, he slapped me, then pushed me down... he said i slapped him and then he pushed me down, reguardless, i was pretty upset, i called the police cuz i sorta felt like i was being attacked and i was scared. sam went to jail for a few days.

we got in touch through his mom and sorta sorted things out, but i never really got over it. (might come from seein' my mom be abused the first five years of my life)

Quick let me mention that from about March 23 til the 12th Sam and I had been getting along great... I actually sorta started to get a crush on him around Easter time, although as I explained it to him I felt like I was starting to like the ex of a best friend and it was really an akward, uncomfortable type of liking that I didn'[t know how to deal with.

As of the 6th of May it became more clear than it ever has before that I don't want to, and shouldn't be with Sam. On the 7th we mutually decided to separate. He's sorta been annoying, in a sense, about it. He said he only agreed to separating because he figured I would miss him and ask him to come back... The thing is I don't miss him. I very much enjoy my freedom, and... yeah.

I'm a little worried I won't like my freedom so much when I have to start taking care of all my own bills. (after a legal separation is filed or we file for divorce) I know I need to take everything one day at a time, and I think it may be slightly easier while I'm in Wisconsin. (That's tomorrow evening!!!)

While I'm in Wisconsin I'm hoping to get a "Y" pass for a month, and I would love to be able to take a few dance classes. My first weekend is pretty much taken up already with my dad's wedding and cousin's confirmation, and I'm going to Ohio the second weekend... lol, Walleye Weekend is the fourth weekend, but the 3rd weekend and weekdays... I've got nothin. I feel a little bad, I have no idea where I'm going to stay while I'm back. I'm hoping family just lets me crash. (like grandparents and aunts and uncles.) I'm also hoping Austin deals with everything okay.

He's getting so big, and he's a little accident prone. Makes me worry like crazy!

Okay, I guess that's all for now. There's more I would write about but it feels like I should be doing separate blogs for each of the separate things I want to write about, and I'm not that inspired at the moment. :-P :-)

COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:
May. 16th, 2007 09:07 am (local)
Let me know when you're looking and I'll hook you up with the schedule for the studio.
nayflower wrote:
May. 16th, 2007 11:02 am (local)
Hi, Dearie! I am back in Wisconsin as well. . .give me a call on my cell, as I'm not at my parents house :) I hope we get to hang out at least once!

**IN RETROSPECT(4/10/12):
This was the day I concieved Nayeli.

Just Stuff Like Usual

well, i feel like just spilling a bunch of stuff, but i'm on a time limit here so i think i'm just gonna say what comes to mind...

sam is driving me crazy. he's been "trying" and i appreciate the effort but he's just turn into a crazy jealous person who doesn't want me to have any friends... i need friends, guys and girls...

i love my friends! danielle's been in ohio since the end of january but we talk on the phone quite a bit so i don't feel like i've lost her.

school is becoming difficult. i'm trying to figure out how to balance keeping the apartment in order, taking care of austin 24/7 and having the chance to get any schoolwork done. i don't have any babysitters, sam hasn't lived here since the end of january, and he only comes around on the nights i have school to watch austin. (he's still pretty much restricted to stay on base, especially over night)

i really want to get more into photography. i want to take a digital photography class and i want a better camera.

i know i have more to say, but i have to go get ready for my monthy luncheon!

hope everyone is doing well.

Flip Flop

I was in a really strange mood for the past two weeks and then, like Saturday I was all of a sudden okay. Now things are getting stressful again, but not for the same reason. I don't know why I was stressed for a two week stint. It was the first time Sam was home since I've been in school and I'm pretty sure it was just the being a mom, wife And student that was getting to me. I mean, I never stopped being a wife while Sam was gone, but I didn't have to think about giving him attention or making him happy. I got to be a little more egocentric, and I enjoyed it. I think I was sort of holding the fact that my attention was divided between even more things when he got home against him. I knew he had done nothing wrong though, so it's not like I got mad at him, just peeved at myself. And now, after I had gotten things sorted out on Saturday, we're getting into these petty arguments that turn into big deals. We're going in for an assesment on Monday, it's a pre-marriage counseling thing that the Family Advocacy Center does out here. Oh joy, oh bliss... Austin is standing up on everything, and on his eight month birthday he started saying dada. It's SO cute! He's so entertaining. Sam lowered his crib tonight because this morning when I went to get him out of bed he was standing up. (I don't want him to fall out of bed!) Sam's birthday was yesterday. I made him breakfast in bed. It was fun. I don't think I've ever done that for him before. Most of the day was great, he had work, I had school, but we got along between my classes... Unfortunately after sociology is when we got into the argument. Oooh, I don't have any tests for sociology for the next two weeks. I do have a paper due this coming Tuesday though. I also have a spanish paper due that day. The spanish one I can handle. Soc. shouldn't be impossible either, but finding the time to get it done might be. I have new pix of Austin on http://www.myspace.com. My username is amyrose221 or you can just find me by typing in yoshi_rose@hotmail.com, if you wanna see Austin anyway. :-) I guess the only other new news I have is cable was installed in my house today. It's the first time I've had it since moving from home in November 2003. Wow.


COMMENTS:
pink_daisies wrote:

Jul. 29th, 2005 06:46 pm (local)

I'm so sorry, It turned out that Friday became the most hectick day of my week. It thought that it was going to be a free day, but it turned out I had a million things to do for my vending machines, and then when I finally got home I was so tired I didn't even want to think. I will call you tomorrow; Saturday. Hopefully you'll be interested in doing something/ and free. Sorry sorry.

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jul. 31st, 2005 03:26 pm (local)

Hey-Don't stress over it, things come up. I appreciate the comment though. :-) I'm in a rush to get my sociology paper done before Tuesday, but if you're not poppin out a baby or anything Sam is going camping the 12th-14th of August.

Beauty

I was bored in spanish today.  We were going over conjugations, and I learned those and still retain some knowledge of how they should be done.  Anyway some things got me to thinking and since I don't have a laptop to write in here as I think the random thouhts that I think I decided to write it down in a little notebook and then transfer it to here.  Here it is.

Beauty is such a cool thing!  It's your own concept.  True there is some general idea of what beauty should be, but it's still just anyone's opinion.  I have seen a few movies that I consider to be beautiful.--What Dreams May Come-The moral, the acting, the scenes, and the emotions it all conveys=BEAUTIFUL!  Meet Joe Black-It's very similar to What Dreams May Come.  It's about the only movie who's love scene doesn't make me uncomfortable...  American Beauty-The title says it all---Hero-Wow.  I cannot describe the beauty of this movie to the extent that it should be described!  It's like a piece of art--a moving piece of art made into movie form.  I know films are art, but this thing is in it's own category.  It's incredible.  The fact that you have to listen to the whole thing in Mandarin and read English subtitles means nothing when you compare it to the fact that your life will be better having experienced the movie.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith-It's nowhere near as deep as the other movies.  It has a completely different mood, but it is in fact, beautiful. 

Beauty in nature is an awesome thing.  On the Fourth of July I was on the beach and it was after dark...  As the waves came to crash into the shore, they sort of had a glow.  It was both eerie and majestic.  Another beauty I've been exposed to since leaving Wisconsin is snowcapped mountains.  There are so many things in the world that can take your breath away.  Hmmm...  I think Weeping Willow Trees are beautiful too. 

People---People are a difficult thing for me to put beauty on.  I think it takes physical appearance plus an aura.--Brad Pitt  and Angelina Joliee both have each of these qualities, in my opinion.  There is at least one person in each of my current classes that have each of these qualities.  That's actually what got me going on this whole beauty kick. 

I'm fascinated by the fact that I can apreciate beauty but not want it(the object that is beautiful) for myself.  (Frankly I think that comes from having a beautiful son and a "beautiful" husband--I think he's hot, and the beauty is in large part to an aura thing from him, and I don't usually refer to it as beauty...)  Reguardless, it (beauty) is such a neat thing to be able to observe!

Missing People, Missing Places, Missing Things

I miss my VA friends. I mean not that I've really ever stopped missing them since I left, but for some reason lately I have really been missing them. Maybe it's a longing for things to be as fun and carefree as they were for the first four months I was there, but there were really fun times even after I was pregnant. There was just a whole bunch of us and we got along and had parties and even if we weren't having parties we'd just hang out, a few of us at a time. There were always people stopping by, always people to call whenever the need arose, there was always someone who seemed to really care. I've got friends in Cali, some really good ones with big hearts and awesome personalities but the friendships aren't on the same level they were in VA. People were closer together in VA, we lived in the same apartment complex with a lot of our friends and if they weren't in the same complex they were pretty darn close, and things were more exciting out there. I remember where things were but not really the names of the roads as well anymore. I think it was Military Hwy that was fun to drive down after getting off of VA beach Blvd. There were so many interesting looking people and the malls were close and the grocery store was closer and there weren't so many dang hills. I guess I still think of it as my home. I've been in Cali less for less than I was in VA, but it's getting pretty close. I dunno, I don't think I'd miss here half as much as I miss there, and I could live around where I was in VA. If I lived in Cali I think I for sure could not stay in this town. There are beautiful parts of it, but there are still some things that I just really am not fond of. I know it could be worse, and I'm glad I get to see different places, but I wish I was home in VA, hanging out with the same people and maybe a few new ones. I wish that everybody who got to see Austin grow through my tummy could see him grow in real life. I wish that I was there to help my friends when they're going through a tough time and I wish I was there to see them when they're happy... I guess eventually everyone will either get transfered or get out, and then I'll only have the area, but it's not like it was a bad area. I guess now that I've been living the military life longer it's harder for me to make good friends with someone b/c I know eventually they'll leave or I'll leave and as much as I want to continue being friends with them it's not the easiest keeping up a long distance relationship. I can look forward to someday when there's a good chance I won't have to move around all the time or worry about people moving away from me, but then it's hard to live in the now b/c I'm looking forward to then. I know there's always something to be thankful for, but other than Austin I'm really starting to wonder what. I'm sorry my entries have been so down lately, I'm sure I'll be fine and spunky again eventually, just not now.

If you pray, please read this.

Hi-I'm not doing very well right now, it's for reasons that I'd rather not explain in a format so public. Anyway, I could really use prayers for financial stability, for myself to be understanding and for my husband to be understanding. Also if you could pray for my son, that no matter what happens he ends up happy and well taken care of I would really appreciate it. Please remember... I could really use the help. Thank you.


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Jun. 26th, 2005 11:23 pm (local)

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you right now. I will definitely keep you all in my thoughts. And I'm sure that Austin will be just fine, no matter what. Take care of yourself. And I hope everything gets better soon.

How's It Going?

School started on Tuesday. My spanish class is very small and personal. It's for beggining students and since I took four years of spanish in high school I wouldn't really call myself a begginer. Most things are a refreshment, but I am learning some new vocab and some mexican slang, not swear words but their rendition of the spanish language. Plus I get to work on the accent since my teacher is a native of Mexico. 

My sociology class has more people and they seem more serious, except for my teacher, she's crazy in a cool way. I adore her. Anyway it's a fast paced course, we are doing three chapters a week with a test every Thursday. It's truly fascinating though.

Austin has been doing well with his babysitter, my friend Tessa. It's a big relief and very comforting to know he's with someone who wants to be with him. I miss him a lot during the day though and as soon as class is over I am so happy to hold him again.

Sam's been gone for 2/3 days now. I miss him and I still have a while to go, but I'm okay with him gone. It's just a little stressful sometimes. My friend Jennifer has been very helpful, and when I'm very lonely at night I have a couple of nightowl friends on yahoo messenger.

Oh, before Sam left we went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was a great movie, very funny, and I have never seem so much beauty in two hours give or take twenty minutes. Brad Pitt and Angelina Joliee, both so beautiful. It was a very funny movie and some of it I could definately relate to. It was awesome.

Austin pulled himself up to a stance w/ his bounce chair on Sunday. I was in shock. He's seven months on Saturday. I can't believe how fast he is growing and developing. I'm so proud of him. He's such a cool kid!

I got to feel an earthquake shortly after I got back from WI. It was cool. It was about an hour away from where I live so I got a big not damaging after shock. It wouldn't have been fun if people got hurt. Anyway, there were a whole bunch of earthquakes right after I got back, it was very interesting. I've got a website I go to to keep track of them. Fun stuff. 

I hope everyone is doing well. :-)

Happy Eeeeeek!

So, I know a bunch of people are already way ahead of me on this one, but I just enrolled in two classes at Palomar Technical College!!! I'm so excited and happy!.. I was pretty bummed about having to leave college when I moved out to VA to be with Sam, but I figured I'd go to school there, then I got pregnant and had Austin. I love Austin with all my heart and enjoy taking care of the house and pretty much having all the free time and luxuries I'd have while on something similar to an endless summer vacation... BUT I always have an urge to learn, and there is only so much self help books can do for me. Two classes won't take too much time away from the baby 4-5 hours of classes a week, I'll do homework while he's napping or after he goes to bed and before he wakes up AND I can do it!!! Yay me! Yay everybody who's doing something they want to! Yay for the people who are thinking about doing something they want to. Yay, Yay, Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


COMMENTS:

pink_daisies wrote:

Jun. 14th, 2005 12:33 pm (local)

Congratulations...

I even think that the school offers a sort of daycare for mothers that are going back to school.

(Anonymous) wrote:

Jun. 15th, 2005 12:50 pm (local)

Hey glad your finally happy for the most part...question who will watch Austin while you are at school?...Do you have to pay foir school yourself?

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jun. 16th, 2005 02:28 pm (local)

i'm not neccessarily happy for the most part, just happy for the moment, which i think is all anyone can really ask for, my friend tessa will watch austin in the afternoon and sam will watch him at night... classes are 2 hrs and 50 minutes, both start shortly after his nap time... and my fin. aid hasn't been proccessed yet but i should get a bog waver where i don't have to pay for anything but books. hopefully for fall i will get some grants.

I talked to Sam today. I was fine until that point and then I broke down, and I couldn't talk to him about it because me having feelings would just end up ticking him off. I dunno, it might not be so hard if he hadn't at one point have been almost everything I wanted... Now when my visit from WI is done I'm just going to go home and live the typical unfun life that he and I have been living for quite some time now. I admit there are some fun things in our current life together. At least they're fun for me. I love when we're both playing with Austin at the same time and I get this little warm feeling. Really, other than that, the only fun time is maybe when we're on a long drive. For some reason we always seem to get along better than fine on those. He's having a really good time with his family and friends right now... He never seems to have fun with me. He has plenty of fun with his friends when I'm not around, but I am like anti-fun to him--and when I feel that way he's anti-fun to me. Except I can't get away from him. When we're apart I can't forget that I miss him or wish that he could be sharing in my fun. I don't know how to make it better. I don't know if it will get better. I just wish and hope and want and dream and long for it to happen. Sometimes doing those things helps, other times it does absolutely nothing.


COMMENTS:
pink_daisies wrote:

Jun. 8th, 2005 12:14 pm (local)

When are you coming home Amy?

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jun. 9th, 2005 07:34 pm (local)

late @ night on the 11th... 2 days!!!

Good Ole Wisconsin

I have now been in Wisconsin for three days. The weather hasn't been horrible and I've covered seeing a lot of the people that I HAD to see. Sam and I talked yesterday and today on the phone and they weren't incredibly painful conversations, so that's wonderful. I guess he layed his bike down, so I'm a little worried about him, but he said he's alright. My weekend went well, my asthma has been alright and Austin's been pretty good himself. I got an e-mail tonight from one of Sam's friends/co-workers. The dude has a crush on me, and was drunk when he e-mailed me. Reguardless I'm flattered. It's nice to know that someone would like me if I had got a divorce and had Austin. I guess I don't have too much else to say about that. Um, OH!!! Austin got into a sitting position all on his own yesterday, and he did it again today! I'm so proud of him, as usual. He's being pretty fussy right now though so I guess I should go. Happy late memorial day to everyone!

To Make a Long Story Long.

So most of you who read this(all seven of you...) probably know a lot of this stuff, but not all of it, so I thought I'd share so you could have almost the whole story. Sorry if it's boring, I dunno, it's nice to have documented. Enjoy.

I have been with my husband, Sam, for just over two yrs, and married for a year and three months, we got married really fast. We got engaged in October 03' and married February 04'. We haven't actually had a wedding yet,just the whole court house thing. But we eventually plan on having the whole big wedding sometime in the future, probably our five year anniversary. I found out I was pregnant in March when I was about 6 weeks along. It wasn't planned but it wasn't uplanned either if that makes sense. We knew we wanted kids so we figured we would just let it happen whenever it happened, but we just didn't expect it that soon! We should have though because I ran out of birth control a week after we got married and we didn't really practice "safe" sex.

I hated pregnancy. I REALLY hated it. I got morning sickness the day after I concieved. I didn't know it was morning sickness at the time, but it was. My morning sickness lasted until like my fifth or six month. I'd get it in the morning around seven am and then again at ten-thirty at night. I cried every day for the longest time. It was sort of like post pardem before having the baby. When Austin first started kicking it really weirded me out and I got a little bit squirmish. Eventually I got used to it and liked it, the kicking that is, not the pregnancy. I'd put headphones on my tummy and shine lights on it and stuff like that. 

I believe I was about 33 weeks along when I had to pack up everything Sam and I owned and drive across the country, Virginia to California. I drove one car and Sam drove the other. It was a six day trip, but three of those days were just hanging out at a hotel in Illinois to see my family and wait for Sam to catch up in the other car. When I got to California I was in and out of the emergency room almost every day for two weeks. My blood pressure had gotten really high and ever since about two weeks before leaving VA I got braxton hicks pretty bad. The doctors thought they might have to induce labor when I was 34 weeks, so they injected my with steroids to strengthen the baby's lungs. At 36 weeks they said I could make the eight hour trip to Camp Pendleton so I was with my husband when the baby came. 

Two weeks later, two weeks before Austin was actually due I went to the emergency room because I thought my water might be leaking. They checked my blood pressure and decided to induce. That was the 24th of November. I had Austin on the 25th, Thanksgiving! I thought Labor was the easiest part of the entire pregnancy. They gave me really good drugs that all worked, thank goodness. I only had about five minutes of true pain, that was between the narcotics and the epidural. I think my least favorite part of the whole event was not being able to eat for over 48 hours, I also couldn't drink anything. Because of the high blood pressure they had me on magnesium and couldn't give me anything because there was a chance that I would have a seizure and choke.

Austin did really well through my labor. His heart rate was at the right place and all that fun stuff. He decided to be awesome through the pushing and then when he came out he wasn't breathing and didn't have a heart beat for three minutes. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck three times. I didn't get to see him up close or hold him for a while after he was born. Seven hours after I had him I got a nurse to take some pictures with the camera on my phone, and when he was 12 hours old I finally got to hold and feed him. I don't think I heard him cry until he was two weeks old. He was a great baby then and continues to be a great baby now. I have no idea how I got so lucky.


MUSIC: Fur Lis
COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Apr. 19th, 2005 10:27 am (local)

Wow -- I didn't know that part about him not breathing for 3 mins! Either that or I don't remember. Either is possible. But I'm glad that he's alive and kicking today. He is definitely a great little boy. And cute too!

Can't Sleep

It's like four in the morning and I haven't been to bed yet. I didn't get up any later than normal this morning, I have no idea what my problem is. It might be that I'm not at home,(I'm babysitting.)or maybe it's something else. I dunno. Last night, or two nights ago.. I went out with some new friends that I made who are from Wisconsin. They have a six month old son! Anyway, we went bowling and they played pool with some of their other friends. It was a really fun group and was the start of me craving more social interaction than I've had for quite some time. Last Wednesday I went out to a club with my friend Rachel. That was also pretty fun. It was my third time in a club and I'm getting a little more comfortable there. I sort of think it's ridiculous to pay $15 to dance and hang out, but oh well, it's fun! I made a friend at the club. He's a 20 year old marine from Philadelphia. He wants to work in an embassy someday, I think that's cool. Other than that I met a very attractive 24 year old security guard from Arkansas. His name is Brian and his birthday is June 20th. I like getting to know people. My newest friend around the complex is Theresa. She is twenty and has a 17 month old daughter. She and her husband are from Texas. When I was bowling I met two girls and three guys. One of the "girls" is due to have a baby May 5th or 6th and the other one has three little girls. Summer, the pregnant one is going to name her son Fox. My friend Russell from the video store called the other day and invited me to hang out with him and his wife.(She's due in August.) It ended up not working out, but I'm sure we'll get together some time. I've fallen behind in my bible study work book. I've been doing a lot of babysitting and socializing. It's all very nice, I enjoy it, but it would be nice if I could get my bible study "homework" done too. Sam and I are doing alright. We recently had some issues, but we seem to have solved them, or at least forgotten them for the time being, and it only took us like three days as opposed to a week and a half or more. We might actually be making progress, that's refreshing. Austin can scoot backwards and today he went forwards and I yayed him and then he went backwards again and cancelled out the distance he had made. He's gonna be crawling too soon for me. If I find free time this week Sam and I are going to go get a crib finally. I'm excited for that! Well, I should probably try again to sleep. The little boy I babysit for is going to be waking up in less than three hours now... Then I get to babysit Lexie, the 12 year old from 2:30pm-10:00pm and Alex, the 9 month old that I'm watching right now from 6:30pm-12:00am tomorrow. Wowza. Fun stuff. Bye for now!


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Apr. 19th, 2005 10:19 am (local)

More socializing is probably a good thing. It seems to me that you're probably doing a pretty good job of finding potential socializers. But goodness -- is everyone there either pregnant or already a parent? lol. Too cute. Lots of playmates for little Austin! Yay for him almost crawling!

My Big Boy

Austin rolled over from his back to his tummy this morning. I'm so proud. :-) I have been babysitting since 11am and it is just about 12am. Lucky for me it was between two different children, and they do sleep a fair amount of the time that they're here. Anyway, the one I'm "watching" now was suppose to leave an hour and a half ago, I'm a little frustrated cuz I have bible study tomorrow and I'm tired now... Life goes on though. Sam's been a sweety lately. It's great. He's been reminding me a lot of how he was when we first started dating. Not quite as sweet, but pretty close. :-) Kathy is coming to visit me in a week and a half! I'm very excited to have a visitor. She will be my first one! My apartment is too clean for me. I tidyed up while Sam had duty and the cleanliness is weirding me out. I'm not going to intentionally mess it up though... I dunno, something to get used to I guess. Well, I am way too drained to think of stuff to write, so I'm going to go. Good night.


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Mar. 10th, 2005 09:05 am (local)

Congratulations, Austin! Before you know it, he'll be 9 months old like Maia. *cry*

Stressing

Yesterday Sam went to look at "motorcycles" and ended up coming home with one. It's a Ninja Z6XR? I think. Anyway it's lime green and really fast. He took me for a short ride to the video store on it. I was okay on the way there, but I prayed for safety the entire ride home. I was terrified. I'm not really a motorbike kind of person. But yeah, it's gonna end up costing us like $16,000.00 at the most, $9,000.00 at the least. But still, Sam makes under $17,000.00 a year. Ugh!!! And I thought he didn't spend enough time at home before.

On top of that I feel like I am coming into a delayed post pardem depression. I think it's too long after my pregnancy to technically call it that, but that's what it feels like. I have been having all of these paranoias and aggressive feelings, not toward the baby, but toward myself. It's like I can't keep the house clean enough, the laundry is never ending, I want to help with the income, but I don't want to lose time spent with my family... :-P

I miss having a best friend under 10 minutes away from me. I've been slowly but surely making more friends out here, but none of them compare to Kathy. I don't want to replace her, I just want someone I can call any time and be completely comfortable with, and get away with when I need to get away. I miss my best buds from VA too. :-(

On a happy note, it was in the mid seventies a few days ago, I layed out by the pool and got a tan, it was awesome. Oh, another happy thing... I submitted a poem to a poetry contest and it's in the semi-finals and people want to publish it in a book! I'm honored. It's so cool. 

Austin is three months old now. He can shake a rattle and get on his knees, like he's going to crawl, but he doesn't moves his arms, so he just ends up doing a wheel barrel sort of thing. He can sit for just under twenty seconds, and he's trying to roll over from his back to his front, but he gets stuck on his arm. He's been able to roll over from tummy to back for some time now. I love him!

Recently I began a bible study, actually just last Thursday. There's really no one my age in it, but that's alright, I get along with older people anyway. Plus not too many people my age have kids, so I can relate with people with a few more years than me.

Hopefully my Tricare Prime (The insurance that will fully cover me) kicks in soon, and I can get tested for allergies, and see a psychatrist, and go to the dentist! I think that will make a few things slightly less stressful. :-)

Hope everyone who reads this is doing well, if you're reading it and haven't written in a while, write something! I like to hear about your lives too. And for those of you who do write, keep it up! :-)

Me Time

I painted my finger and toe nails tonight. My fingernails are a funky purplish green swirl and my toes are light blue, purple, red, dark blue and green. My birthday was fun. I think it topped last years, which is awesome. Last year I was sort of down because a birthday without family doesn't even seem like a real birthday, no cake, no presents... just an empty feeling. This year was different though, no family, and no presents (on the actual day) BUT I did get a cake and a few cards and a really nice boquet of flowers. :-)

I'm going to the introduction of a bible study tomorrow morning. I should be sleeping, but I slept in the morning when I really didn't need to so I'm awake right now. Austin is screaming, but he's fed and changed and I don't think he has gas... He just really likes to be held. And I really like holding him so I'm not sure how to break him of the habbit.

Sam's gone tonight. He's got duty, and tomorrow he has ENDOC--I don't know if I wrote that right, but oh well, I've never been in the Navy so I don't have to know how to spell it. It's the first time in a long time that I have sincerely missed him when he's been away. Things have been nice lately. But every time I get comfortable with things going well they turn around on me... :P Ugh.

I haven't had to babysit at all this week. Lexie's dad just got back from Iraq and he's spending time with her. I've been enjoying my break. It's not like I watch her a lot, but I enjoy having more free time. Unfortunately I also enjoy having money to do things, so I have to do a little work. I was thinking about applying at Subway, but I'd like to see Sam once in a while, and I think that I'd probably really miss Austin if I got an outside job. I'm undecided yet.

Austin will be three months old tomorrow. My scale says he's 16 pounds.. such a big boy. His newest thing is squealing at the top of his lungs for the heck of it. It's cute and yet irritating. Reguardless I love him like crazy.

Life is Still Crazy.

My life lately has been nuts. It started with the new year I swear. 2005 was just not meant to start out right. A series of events led up to the separation of Sam and I as of a week ago. He's been living in the barracks and just Thursday he said he wanted to work things out. BUT I didn't hear from him at all yesterday, granted he had duty, but I know he has time to at least call on duty. Oh well. Since the separation I have made a few new friends, now along with my older friends they are telling me I deserve better and yadda, yadda, yadda. Same story always coming from a different person. Most of the time I know what I want, so what other people say isn't really going to help me too much when it comes to them giving me advice. I always need to figure things out on my own. Right now I don't really know what I want. It's not exactly that though, it's more like the things I want conflict with eachother and that just seems to make everything all the more complicated. 

Anyway, Austin got his first immunization shots on Thursday. He got really mad and has been pretty sleepy ever since. He's so precious. I'm really glad I have him. He is Happiness. Even though crap goes on, none of it seems horrible, because he exists. It's nice that way. 

I'm starting to get used to it out here, I miss Virginia though... Someday I might move back, even if it's not until I'm really old and Sam has died, or something like that. I liked it there. 

Hopefully this bad start to the new year will end when February comes around. I sure do hope so cuz in Feb. I've got my first year wedding anniversary with Sam, the 2nd year of our first meeting, the second year of us "going out", Valentine's Day, and my birthday.


COMMENTS:
mychrysalis wrote:

Jan. 29th, 2005 03:16 pm (local)

I'm sorry you are having such a rough year. I won't try to give you advice, becasue you know what I'd say anyway. And I'm glad Austin makes you happy. Thanks for the pics. He is too cute! I miss you!

Ugh!

I'm coming down with a cold, it's icky. I'm just praying that I don't get Austin sick. On our way home from Northern California, Sam and I got into a small car accident. We were crossing an overpass and a car cut us off. It was raining so the roads were wet. Sam hit the brakes and told me to hold on. The brakes locked up and Sam counter steered us toward and enbankment, we went up it spun around and cam back down. The car almost flipped but we got lucky. Sam and Austin were fine. I got a slight whiplash. Today I found out that Sam may get deployed next Friday. I'll be in Wisconsin when he finds out for sure on Tuesday and I won't be back until after he leaves if he leaves. I'm not too happy about that but there's really nothing I can do. I'm excited to see my family and friends at least.


COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:

Dec. 31st, 2004 08:32 am (local)

Poor girl.

Look me up when you're around?