The Cycle

Sam got home on Tuesday night. When I walked in the apt. from my sociology class he was there. It was a pleasant surprise. Of course now that he's home things are back to how they usually are with us. FRUSTRATING. I keep meeting people who are young and divorced and happy. It's discouraging. I don't want a divorce, but things I'm seeing are sort of glorifying it. Marriage is so much work, but I know that if I were to get a divorce that I would just end up getting married again and that I would have to "work" with someone else. On the surface it may seem like I could make it with a "nicer" person, but Sam was a "nicer" person until we got married, and he still has his moments now. I don't know if you can ever truly know another person. For Sam and I it would help a lot if either one of us knew ourselves. We don't though, nor do we know what we want for ourselves. It complicates everything. School is going great. I love my classes, I love meeting knew people! I am usally in an awesome mood on school days. It's refreshing. I'm having a lazy day, as much as I like school it wears me out! So the next day I just bum around. It's fun but it sort of makes me feel counterproductive. I am leaning towards a sociology major. I'm still not positive but that's what I'm thinking that I want. That's just for my associates degree though, I plan and getting a bachelor's degree after that. I suppose I should do something around the house to earn my keep. Not that I have to, but it's a nice thing to do.


COMMENTS:
(Anonymous) wrote:

Jul. 15th, 2005 08:54 pm (local)

hey there Amy! It sounds like things are never going to get better for you in that relationship, yeah you may have to work at marriage with someone else, but you need that someone else to want to work with you and by the sounds, Sam doesn't wanna work on the marriage. He has been like this for a LONGGGG time now, I remember when you were in VA he was the same way, I honestly don't think hes going to change. He will end up making you sick Amy, I know it may sound crazy but my aunt did the same thing and she has medical issues now because of it. You need a healthy, loving environment for that baby of yours, and by the sounds hes not getting that. Everyone has problems but I think Sam has A LOT of growing up t do and he isn't ready to do that... Its good your in school, thats a positive thing for you and you need that. How is Austin liking the babysitter?!?! does Sam pay any attention to him or do anything with him?? Zach is still only good to play with Bradley, everything else seems to be my job,, haha, he gets the easy stuff and I do all the hard work... but he loves his mommy more too, haha! Well I hope things work out for you, you think about that babys future, and make sure hes happy. Take care, talk to you soon!
~Erica~

Somehow Better...

Things are alright at the moment. It's quite a relief. Sam is being really nice to me and I know we can't always get along, but I'm enjoying it at the moment. My brother-in-law and his wife are visiting, I got my CA DL in the mail today and rent and everything is taken care of. There are only a couple of bills I have yet to worry about, and it's nothing detrimental. I've got some pretty decent friends right now who are showing a lot of support when I'm going through a tough time. It's nice to know there are some people who will help... It's more emotional support than anything. That's what I have really needed though. Sometimes I feel very blessed. I live for those times. So, that's how I am right now.

Me Time

I painted my finger and toe nails tonight. My fingernails are a funky purplish green swirl and my toes are light blue, purple, red, dark blue and green. My birthday was fun. I think it topped last years, which is awesome. Last year I was sort of down because a birthday without family doesn't even seem like a real birthday, no cake, no presents... just an empty feeling. This year was different though, no family, and no presents (on the actual day) BUT I did get a cake and a few cards and a really nice boquet of flowers. :-)

I'm going to the introduction of a bible study tomorrow morning. I should be sleeping, but I slept in the morning when I really didn't need to so I'm awake right now. Austin is screaming, but he's fed and changed and I don't think he has gas... He just really likes to be held. And I really like holding him so I'm not sure how to break him of the habbit.

Sam's gone tonight. He's got duty, and tomorrow he has ENDOC--I don't know if I wrote that right, but oh well, I've never been in the Navy so I don't have to know how to spell it. It's the first time in a long time that I have sincerely missed him when he's been away. Things have been nice lately. But every time I get comfortable with things going well they turn around on me... :P Ugh.

I haven't had to babysit at all this week. Lexie's dad just got back from Iraq and he's spending time with her. I've been enjoying my break. It's not like I watch her a lot, but I enjoy having more free time. Unfortunately I also enjoy having money to do things, so I have to do a little work. I was thinking about applying at Subway, but I'd like to see Sam once in a while, and I think that I'd probably really miss Austin if I got an outside job. I'm undecided yet.

Austin will be three months old tomorrow. My scale says he's 16 pounds.. such a big boy. His newest thing is squealing at the top of his lungs for the heck of it. It's cute and yet irritating. Reguardless I love him like crazy.

I AM (at one of my) HOME(s)!

So, I am back in Wisconsin at the moment. Yesterday I got to San Diego Airport at about 7:10am. My flight was suppose to be at 9:10am but it was delayed until about 10:00am. I got to Denver at 1:00pm in a new time zone. My flight there was suppose to be at 3:05pm. However, it was behind by about four hours. I got to Milwaukee a little after 10:00pm. So far not too much has happened. I've actually been by myself all day due to people working and going to school, but my little brother Isaiah came home about half an hour ago and is doing homework now. Sam is not going to be deployed! I'm happy about it, but I had come to terms with him leaving, now I'll just have to deal with a six month deployment in the future.


COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:

Jan. 5th, 2005 05:09 pm (local)

Contact

What is your current cell phone number?
I'm at (920)960-3986 look me up before you go back.

vivrelavie wrote:

Jan. 6th, 2005 01:05 pm (local)

Awww cute! Adorable!! <3 your icon

Baby Madness!

Right now I'm at Jessica's watching her three little ones and and her friend's little one. I got here about an hour ago and the three oldest are in bed on their way to sleep. I have The Prince and Me to watch and the cute little newborn to cuddle with. Sam stayed at a friend's last night to think and when he came home I believe he apologized the best he knows how. Which is good enough for me. I'm really glad that he did that. We bought a few movies while at the video store, upon Sam's wishes. I don't think we have the money for it, but hey maybe Sam knows something I don't. We had Taco Bell for dinner which is always wonderful. Tomorrow is a duty day and as usual I am not looking forward to that. I know I'll survive, especially since I'm babysitting Jess's kids again, but I really love having him around when he's in a good mood. Alright, I'm going to order some pictures off of yahoo now. :-)

On My Own

Today, I think is the first day I have left the apartment while Sam was home. He decided that when he got home from work he was going to play with his new golf toy. And as much as I love being by him, I didn't want to sit outside in the cold and watch him hit a ball in circles. I'm hoping he gets bored with it and we can go to the driving range. As for now I'm at the library. It's been a while since I was last here.

Now that Sam's in the ship yards I never get the car. Not that I'd want it, when having it means having to merge on the interstate. I'm not ready for that yet. I've had a crazy week, and it's only Tuesday. Sunday night Sam took it upon himself to invite a "few" of his buddies over... So I met Ryan, Joe, Jason, and Kassandra, all 20 years old, and Jon was there, he's 21 and Trevor,18, and his girlfriend Nicole,17, were there. Then of course there was Sam and I. It was a crazy fun night after I had a breakdown.

I had four mike's hard lemonades and got sick, that wasn't the fun part. Meeting new people was. And more fun than that was that Ryan, Joe, and Jon all spent the night and the whole next day in my apartment. Sam left for work at 4:30am as usual and they all stayed. So, some of the funniest things I have ever seen include three navy boys watching Down to You, A Guy Thing, and Wizard of Oz. Jon made a big spaghetti dinner and a new friend, Tyler, 19 came over. Tyler made me feel not stupid for being married, and it is the first time another individual has given me that feeling. He is engaged and his g/f is still back in Cali, but he really wants to get marred. His birthday is 10 days before Sam's. He's on a helo-carrier called the U.S.S. Cypan or something like that. Anyway, before and during dinner we all watched Queen of the Damned and afterward we watched Family Guy. Ryan, Joe, and Jon stayed for another night and got up at 4:30am with Sam to go to PT. Poor boys.

I still haven't returned my friend Brandy's phone call. It was two Sundays ago that she called and I haven't found the time. If I had minutes I'd call during the day, but I don't again until the 19th. Ugh... I hope she doesn't hate me.

Wow, I have used up most of my 30 minutes at the library, and I told Sam I'd be gone 30 minutes at the most. I think it's time for me to go. I could probably write a bunch more if it weren't for the time thing... But I can't.

COMMENTS:
mychrysalis wrote:

Mar. 9th, 2004 10:00 am (local)
Hey!
I don't think you are stupid for getting married. I'm married, too! I just want you to be truly happy, and I think you are selling yourself short in that area. I just want to always to tell you the truth as I see it, and not just what you want to hear. I do hope everything works out for you. I really do care about you!

(Anonymous) wrote:

Mar. 9th, 2004 11:52 pm (local)
Why wouldja feel stupid for being married? As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters. :) Sounds like you're having fun in Virginia. But.. *sniffles* ... we miss you here!!!
_Jen