Co-habitating

Well... the person I'm in love with, and who I've been in love with for over half a year now, sleeps in my house. :-P

He cooks... does the heavy cleaning, like scrubbing the shower, watches movies with me... tells me about how work went, asks my opinion about the future. He is moving in November, maybe early December, and according to his plans he won't be back here. Too much work for too little money. I can't say I blame him.

I love having him around. I love my lack of expectations. I get a hug a day, rarely have cuddles... but I feel so content, and happy even.

I DO NOT know how I will react once he leaves, but right now, my heart is full. There is little I desire in terms of attention, love. I feel most of those needs are being met... and now, because my quota for all "that stuff" is being met, I am focusing on my career as a photographer. I am focusing on getting my apartment how I've wanted it for years. I am focusing on being there for my kids and teaching them whatever it is they desire to learn. I am focusing on becoming a part of my community.

I am so completely at peace in the present, that the future doesn't seem scary. I don't feel like I have to plan ahead for a lot of things. I feel like if I do what I'm suppose to be doing right now, the rest will fall into place. It's amazing. I hope the strides I feel I've made as an individual in the past six months aren't for nothing when my love moves away. I really hope that, but instead of worrying about it, I'm just going to keep loving and growing as a person, and I'm going to enjoy each moment as it happens, and not worry about what comes next so much. :)

Sick of Home and Home Sick

It might sound a little crazy but the deal is I'm home visiting my family. When I say home there I mean, where I grew up, And as much as I love spending time with people I haven't seen in quite a long time I miss Sam and the comforts and familiarity with the things at my home in VA. I've been back since 10:00am on Friday morning and I've done some fun things, but I haven't slept hardly at all and I'm stressing about not being able to spend enough time with everyone I want to spend time with. Today I've decided to see if Sam calls me. When he and I talked yesterday I started crying because he didn't seem interested in what I've been up to, and I felt that I was acting too interested in what he's been up to. Anyway I hate acting and feeling like I don't trust Sam, and I hate that I ask him so many irrelevant questions. I want him to call me, I miss him a lot. He got me flowers before I left. I had my first prenatal visit on Wednesday and he came with me, then he went back to work. When he got home I opened the door for him and he was standing there with a bouquet of wild flowers and he said "Here, I heard you were pregnant." It was very sweet and it made me very happy. It's flooding very badly in Wisconsin right now. It's created some excitement for my visit. Last night I went out to eat with my mom and her boyfriend, and a couple of there friends. Afterward we all went to see Troy and then we went to a place called "The Mine-Shaft." It was a cool bar/arcade/club place. I dunno, it seemed like a Shakeys for grown-ups. It was cool. I got to ride with my moms boyfriend's ex-boss. He's a 37 year old and he has a black 81 Sting Ray Corvette. He and I got along quite well and talked like crazy. After we played at the arcade for a while he and I drove around and talked more. I love making friends. Some of the things I've got planned while I'm still here include spending a night at my god-mothers, hanging out with a group of friends, going to my brothers chorus concert, going to another movie with my mom, going to my cousins grad party, and going to the zoo with some friends. My grandparents also want me to spend a night with them but I see no perspective date for that. Ay! It's nice to feel so wanted. I need to go write out a schedule. Chao for now.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
May. 23rd, 2004 11:44 am (local)
I hope you're having fun, Amy! Sorry that your visit is so rainy. I hope this shit stops soon. I'm sick of the rain. All of the rivers are so high. It's nuts :o) So when's this little baby due anyway???