Just Stuff Like Usual

well, i feel like just spilling a bunch of stuff, but i'm on a time limit here so i think i'm just gonna say what comes to mind...

sam is driving me crazy. he's been "trying" and i appreciate the effort but he's just turn into a crazy jealous person who doesn't want me to have any friends... i need friends, guys and girls...

i love my friends! danielle's been in ohio since the end of january but we talk on the phone quite a bit so i don't feel like i've lost her.

school is becoming difficult. i'm trying to figure out how to balance keeping the apartment in order, taking care of austin 24/7 and having the chance to get any schoolwork done. i don't have any babysitters, sam hasn't lived here since the end of january, and he only comes around on the nights i have school to watch austin. (he's still pretty much restricted to stay on base, especially over night)

i really want to get more into photography. i want to take a digital photography class and i want a better camera.

i know i have more to say, but i have to go get ready for my monthy luncheon!

hope everyone is doing well.

Flip Flop

I was in a really strange mood for the past two weeks and then, like Saturday I was all of a sudden okay. Now things are getting stressful again, but not for the same reason. I don't know why I was stressed for a two week stint. It was the first time Sam was home since I've been in school and I'm pretty sure it was just the being a mom, wife And student that was getting to me. I mean, I never stopped being a wife while Sam was gone, but I didn't have to think about giving him attention or making him happy. I got to be a little more egocentric, and I enjoyed it. I think I was sort of holding the fact that my attention was divided between even more things when he got home against him. I knew he had done nothing wrong though, so it's not like I got mad at him, just peeved at myself. And now, after I had gotten things sorted out on Saturday, we're getting into these petty arguments that turn into big deals. We're going in for an assesment on Monday, it's a pre-marriage counseling thing that the Family Advocacy Center does out here. Oh joy, oh bliss... Austin is standing up on everything, and on his eight month birthday he started saying dada. It's SO cute! He's so entertaining. Sam lowered his crib tonight because this morning when I went to get him out of bed he was standing up. (I don't want him to fall out of bed!) Sam's birthday was yesterday. I made him breakfast in bed. It was fun. I don't think I've ever done that for him before. Most of the day was great, he had work, I had school, but we got along between my classes... Unfortunately after sociology is when we got into the argument. Oooh, I don't have any tests for sociology for the next two weeks. I do have a paper due this coming Tuesday though. I also have a spanish paper due that day. The spanish one I can handle. Soc. shouldn't be impossible either, but finding the time to get it done might be. I have new pix of Austin on http://www.myspace.com. My username is amyrose221 or you can just find me by typing in yoshi_rose@hotmail.com, if you wanna see Austin anyway. :-) I guess the only other new news I have is cable was installed in my house today. It's the first time I've had it since moving from home in November 2003. Wow.


COMMENTS:
pink_daisies wrote:

Jul. 29th, 2005 06:46 pm (local)

I'm so sorry, It turned out that Friday became the most hectick day of my week. It thought that it was going to be a free day, but it turned out I had a million things to do for my vending machines, and then when I finally got home I was so tired I didn't even want to think. I will call you tomorrow; Saturday. Hopefully you'll be interested in doing something/ and free. Sorry sorry.

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jul. 31st, 2005 03:26 pm (local)

Hey-Don't stress over it, things come up. I appreciate the comment though. :-) I'm in a rush to get my sociology paper done before Tuesday, but if you're not poppin out a baby or anything Sam is going camping the 12th-14th of August.

The Cycle

Sam got home on Tuesday night. When I walked in the apt. from my sociology class he was there. It was a pleasant surprise. Of course now that he's home things are back to how they usually are with us. FRUSTRATING. I keep meeting people who are young and divorced and happy. It's discouraging. I don't want a divorce, but things I'm seeing are sort of glorifying it. Marriage is so much work, but I know that if I were to get a divorce that I would just end up getting married again and that I would have to "work" with someone else. On the surface it may seem like I could make it with a "nicer" person, but Sam was a "nicer" person until we got married, and he still has his moments now. I don't know if you can ever truly know another person. For Sam and I it would help a lot if either one of us knew ourselves. We don't though, nor do we know what we want for ourselves. It complicates everything. School is going great. I love my classes, I love meeting knew people! I am usally in an awesome mood on school days. It's refreshing. I'm having a lazy day, as much as I like school it wears me out! So the next day I just bum around. It's fun but it sort of makes me feel counterproductive. I am leaning towards a sociology major. I'm still not positive but that's what I'm thinking that I want. That's just for my associates degree though, I plan and getting a bachelor's degree after that. I suppose I should do something around the house to earn my keep. Not that I have to, but it's a nice thing to do.


COMMENTS:
(Anonymous) wrote:

Jul. 15th, 2005 08:54 pm (local)

hey there Amy! It sounds like things are never going to get better for you in that relationship, yeah you may have to work at marriage with someone else, but you need that someone else to want to work with you and by the sounds, Sam doesn't wanna work on the marriage. He has been like this for a LONGGGG time now, I remember when you were in VA he was the same way, I honestly don't think hes going to change. He will end up making you sick Amy, I know it may sound crazy but my aunt did the same thing and she has medical issues now because of it. You need a healthy, loving environment for that baby of yours, and by the sounds hes not getting that. Everyone has problems but I think Sam has A LOT of growing up t do and he isn't ready to do that... Its good your in school, thats a positive thing for you and you need that. How is Austin liking the babysitter?!?! does Sam pay any attention to him or do anything with him?? Zach is still only good to play with Bradley, everything else seems to be my job,, haha, he gets the easy stuff and I do all the hard work... but he loves his mommy more too, haha! Well I hope things work out for you, you think about that babys future, and make sure hes happy. Take care, talk to you soon!
~Erica~

Beauty

I was bored in spanish today.  We were going over conjugations, and I learned those and still retain some knowledge of how they should be done.  Anyway some things got me to thinking and since I don't have a laptop to write in here as I think the random thouhts that I think I decided to write it down in a little notebook and then transfer it to here.  Here it is.

Beauty is such a cool thing!  It's your own concept.  True there is some general idea of what beauty should be, but it's still just anyone's opinion.  I have seen a few movies that I consider to be beautiful.--What Dreams May Come-The moral, the acting, the scenes, and the emotions it all conveys=BEAUTIFUL!  Meet Joe Black-It's very similar to What Dreams May Come.  It's about the only movie who's love scene doesn't make me uncomfortable...  American Beauty-The title says it all---Hero-Wow.  I cannot describe the beauty of this movie to the extent that it should be described!  It's like a piece of art--a moving piece of art made into movie form.  I know films are art, but this thing is in it's own category.  It's incredible.  The fact that you have to listen to the whole thing in Mandarin and read English subtitles means nothing when you compare it to the fact that your life will be better having experienced the movie.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith-It's nowhere near as deep as the other movies.  It has a completely different mood, but it is in fact, beautiful. 

Beauty in nature is an awesome thing.  On the Fourth of July I was on the beach and it was after dark...  As the waves came to crash into the shore, they sort of had a glow.  It was both eerie and majestic.  Another beauty I've been exposed to since leaving Wisconsin is snowcapped mountains.  There are so many things in the world that can take your breath away.  Hmmm...  I think Weeping Willow Trees are beautiful too. 

People---People are a difficult thing for me to put beauty on.  I think it takes physical appearance plus an aura.--Brad Pitt  and Angelina Joliee both have each of these qualities, in my opinion.  There is at least one person in each of my current classes that have each of these qualities.  That's actually what got me going on this whole beauty kick. 

I'm fascinated by the fact that I can apreciate beauty but not want it(the object that is beautiful) for myself.  (Frankly I think that comes from having a beautiful son and a "beautiful" husband--I think he's hot, and the beauty is in large part to an aura thing from him, and I don't usually refer to it as beauty...)  Reguardless, it (beauty) is such a neat thing to be able to observe!

Something to Smile About.

I passed my driving test!!! -Got 12/15 allowed wrong, all having to do w/ speed issues, but I am still a legal driver now! God knew I needed something to go right. lol. God does more for me then letting me pass my driving test, but still... Okay, I've gotta go take notes for Sociology. Take care.

How's It Going?

School started on Tuesday. My spanish class is very small and personal. It's for beggining students and since I took four years of spanish in high school I wouldn't really call myself a begginer. Most things are a refreshment, but I am learning some new vocab and some mexican slang, not swear words but their rendition of the spanish language. Plus I get to work on the accent since my teacher is a native of Mexico. 

My sociology class has more people and they seem more serious, except for my teacher, she's crazy in a cool way. I adore her. Anyway it's a fast paced course, we are doing three chapters a week with a test every Thursday. It's truly fascinating though.

Austin has been doing well with his babysitter, my friend Tessa. It's a big relief and very comforting to know he's with someone who wants to be with him. I miss him a lot during the day though and as soon as class is over I am so happy to hold him again.

Sam's been gone for 2/3 days now. I miss him and I still have a while to go, but I'm okay with him gone. It's just a little stressful sometimes. My friend Jennifer has been very helpful, and when I'm very lonely at night I have a couple of nightowl friends on yahoo messenger.

Oh, before Sam left we went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was a great movie, very funny, and I have never seem so much beauty in two hours give or take twenty minutes. Brad Pitt and Angelina Joliee, both so beautiful. It was a very funny movie and some of it I could definately relate to. It was awesome.

Austin pulled himself up to a stance w/ his bounce chair on Sunday. I was in shock. He's seven months on Saturday. I can't believe how fast he is growing and developing. I'm so proud of him. He's such a cool kid!

I got to feel an earthquake shortly after I got back from WI. It was cool. It was about an hour away from where I live so I got a big not damaging after shock. It wouldn't have been fun if people got hurt. Anyway, there were a whole bunch of earthquakes right after I got back, it was very interesting. I've got a website I go to to keep track of them. Fun stuff. 

I hope everyone is doing well. :-)

Happy Eeeeeek!

So, I know a bunch of people are already way ahead of me on this one, but I just enrolled in two classes at Palomar Technical College!!! I'm so excited and happy!.. I was pretty bummed about having to leave college when I moved out to VA to be with Sam, but I figured I'd go to school there, then I got pregnant and had Austin. I love Austin with all my heart and enjoy taking care of the house and pretty much having all the free time and luxuries I'd have while on something similar to an endless summer vacation... BUT I always have an urge to learn, and there is only so much self help books can do for me. Two classes won't take too much time away from the baby 4-5 hours of classes a week, I'll do homework while he's napping or after he goes to bed and before he wakes up AND I can do it!!! Yay me! Yay everybody who's doing something they want to! Yay for the people who are thinking about doing something they want to. Yay, Yay, Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


COMMENTS:

pink_daisies wrote:

Jun. 14th, 2005 12:33 pm (local)

Congratulations...

I even think that the school offers a sort of daycare for mothers that are going back to school.

(Anonymous) wrote:

Jun. 15th, 2005 12:50 pm (local)

Hey glad your finally happy for the most part...question who will watch Austin while you are at school?...Do you have to pay foir school yourself?

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jun. 16th, 2005 02:28 pm (local)

i'm not neccessarily happy for the most part, just happy for the moment, which i think is all anyone can really ask for, my friend tessa will watch austin in the afternoon and sam will watch him at night... classes are 2 hrs and 50 minutes, both start shortly after his nap time... and my fin. aid hasn't been proccessed yet but i should get a bog waver where i don't have to pay for anything but books. hopefully for fall i will get some grants.