It Can Be More

I am living my dream life... sort of. I am practice living my dream life? I am in love. Part of that love stems from the man I'm with and the love he shows/bestows upon me. He makes me feel more loved that I can ever remember being made to feel. Another part of my love for/of him is because of the person he is/I see him to be. He is a hard worker/reliable/strong. He is a great father. In spite of his children being split between him and his ex he makes sure to spend time with them whenever he can. During the summer months he was with them every day, and during the school year he visits them for lunch once a week, has them every weekend, and spends time with them when he's not working/they're not in school/they're awake. He is an active father. He plays, cuddles, jokes, watches movies, teaches lessons, feeds them well. He is as into natural foods/healthy living as I am. We have very similar if not THE SAME political beliefs. Our walks of faith are VERY similar. Physically speaking he has some things that I adore!.. Freckles!! Strawberry blond hair... Broad shoulders and a strong jaw. :) He has green eyes. He is ideal to/for me in so many ways. He sings me random songs... songs that I've loved for years.. that he has no idea about. We have so much in common/same love language/same vocabulary.. We have some of the same faults, like how we manage our finances and being slightly insecure. He is more mature than I am and he fascinates me. I think sometimes I fascinate him. The way he talks about loving me makes me feel incredible and his actions back it up. He says he's never felt about anyone how he feels for me, and this life experience with him is different in many ways than anything I've experienced before... but I have loved deeply before. I think it hurts him to an extent knowing this, but there's nothing I can do about past feelings. There are special things about him... like how he is EVERYTHING I want... and how can I let him know the difference that makes in the love... if it does. :-P I have been with people who weren't what I wanted in my own head, but after being with them and loving them I could see how it would have worked. Antonio and B are good examples. B and I were never officially together, David and I were never officially together... I grew to love Antonio the way I did over time. I believe I will grow to love Kris more and more with time as well... and the simplicity and complexity of our relationship is so beautiful. I know it can be more than anything ever was... perhaps more than anything else ever could have been. I just need time.

Co-habitating

Well... the person I'm in love with, and who I've been in love with for over half a year now, sleeps in my house. :-P

He cooks... does the heavy cleaning, like scrubbing the shower, watches movies with me... tells me about how work went, asks my opinion about the future. He is moving in November, maybe early December, and according to his plans he won't be back here. Too much work for too little money. I can't say I blame him.

I love having him around. I love my lack of expectations. I get a hug a day, rarely have cuddles... but I feel so content, and happy even.

I DO NOT know how I will react once he leaves, but right now, my heart is full. There is little I desire in terms of attention, love. I feel most of those needs are being met... and now, because my quota for all "that stuff" is being met, I am focusing on my career as a photographer. I am focusing on getting my apartment how I've wanted it for years. I am focusing on being there for my kids and teaching them whatever it is they desire to learn. I am focusing on becoming a part of my community.

I am so completely at peace in the present, that the future doesn't seem scary. I don't feel like I have to plan ahead for a lot of things. I feel like if I do what I'm suppose to be doing right now, the rest will fall into place. It's amazing. I hope the strides I feel I've made as an individual in the past six months aren't for nothing when my love moves away. I really hope that, but instead of worrying about it, I'm just going to keep loving and growing as a person, and I'm going to enjoy each moment as it happens, and not worry about what comes next so much. :)

Happiness Is...

Hi! My subject title is a junior high school flashback. In eighth grad our school play was "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown." I never really liked junior high, but I guess there were some good times.

I had a really funny dream last night. It was my fourth sort of out of the ordinary dream I've had since I've been pregnant. It's not so much that it was out of the ordinary, it's just that it was very real. I've had two about the baby, one about the ocean, and then the one last night. *Heeby Geebys Shiver* It wasn't bad, exactly, it was just odd.

Sam and I have been getting along since Mother's Day. That is super cool to me. I love when he reminds me why I love him, and it seems to be happening more and more.

I had a lot of cleaning that I wanted to get done today and I didn't do it. So... I either have to do it when I get home tonight (I'm at Alicia's) OR I have to do it tomorrow. Having the apartment "spic and span" is one of the things on my list of 20 Things I Can Do To Make Me Happy. As strange as that may seem, I guess it's just a part of me.

I talked to my aunt and unlce that live in MN tonight. They are very nice and funny. They're going to be in WI the first weekend that I'm home. I'm SO excited to see everyone. I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't talked to Kathy in two days and I miss her. I know she reads this sometimes so I feel funny saying it, but I wish she would write more in her live journal. That way I can learn about her and her life even when I can't always talk to her.

Today I hung out with a married couple I recently befriended and they got internet service. It really doesn't seem that hard and I REALLY want it. Ay, ay, ay. It was my fourth time spending time with them. I figured out that the two wives I am becoming attatched to out here have A names, Alicia and Angelica. Angelica is mexian and her name is pronounced Ann-hel-E-ca. I like saying it. She and her husband are from California. Alicia's name is pronounced Alisha. Some people say it wrong and it bugs her. It would bug me too. Anyway, both wives have best friends named Renee. I had a friend named Renee, but she moved away and we haven't really talked since then, but I have a wonderful best friend named Kathy as all of you who read this already probably know.

I feel a little anti-social right now, even though I'm not trying to be. There are two couples in the other room, but I'm just typing away. Thoughts have been racing through my head a lot lately. I've been writing a lot. I don't know what's up, maybe it's just the pregnancy.

I'm going to go join the festivities while I still have time. I think I might be talking to Kathy shortly and I want to be a good guest for the time being. I like my friends out here... I like all my friends.

COMMENTS:
mychrysalis wrote:
May. 15th, 2004 10:44 am (local)
Alicia
You're right. I blame Alicia Silverstone for the fact that lots of people pronounce my name "A-lee-see-a", which sounds kind of snobby, if you ask me. Plain old "Alisha" will do just fine for me. And I'm glad you're happy.

mychrysalis wrote:
May. 15th, 2004 11:04 am (local)
dreams
Here's a link to an article about common dreams to have while you're pregnant:

http://www.americanbaby.com/ab/story.jhtml?storyid=/templatedata/ab/story/data/17808.xml&catref=AB492

summer_mommy wrote:
May. 17th, 2004 07:47 am (local)
The weird dreams are definitely pregnancy induced, Amy! lol. I have freaking weird dreams all the time and they just drive me nuts! :o) Can't wait until you get here! I miss you!!!