Not a Dream

*Disclaimer: So, it's an emo-ish poem... 
Just b/c I'm happy most of the time, doesn't mean I don't have moments.  Plus sometimes, with poetry, I tend to be a little more dramatic.  ;-)  That being said...

I feel like I'm losing you every day
Even though you left long ago
I search for the feeling, knowing you'd stay
Then I get SO mad knowing it isn't so

I see you in my dreams,
so close that I can touch.
You're there for me in that place
It's really almost too much

I need you
Here
For me
I need you
-To be all that I was.
It's hard to face reality,
when I know that I'm missing your love.

It's hard,
 because when I shut my eyes
it seems I find sweet release
But as I wake and you drift away
I'm only left with the memory
And I'm lelft feeling emty with a sense of insanity.

Where are you?!  Where are you?!
Why aren't you here???
My sorrow, it deepens.
I fight not to be consumed
by anger,
and frustration,
 and tears. 

Miserable.

I don't know how to feel, 
or if the feelings I have are justified. 
I don't know whether to forget my problems, 
or to just curl up and try to die. 
I know my baby needs me, so I can't just leave. 
I know I love my husband so I can't just be free. 
I feel stuck, yet I have the key. 
I'm not going to conform, 
but I don't think I can be me. 
I'm lost and alone 
and I have nowhere to hide. 
I can't stand myself, 
but there's no way of avoiding what's inside.