Something I Wrote During Soc. Class

My sociology teacher was talking about ethnicity and how when you hear your native language or music that's from "the old country" it gives your heart a little fuzzy feeling. She's sicilian and greek. She gave an example of Germans at Octoberfest with their kilbasa (sorry I probably really messed up the spelling on that word)... brats, beer, and polka. I think that's the one that I'd associate with the most. Still, the topic made me think about how even though I was brought up with the German ethnicity being the closest to something I could call my own that any time I hear something Asian, or Russian, or Mexican I get a certain feeling that somehow makes me feel connected to that particular culture. I think, and have always thought that everyone was connected somehow. I wish that I could put into words the sense I get when I'm surrounded by a large number of people who all have the same culture/ethnicity. No matter how hard I try though I am not a part of it, unless it's American, like Independence Day or Thanksgiving or something. Maybe someday I will know enough of another language and the history of the people that speak that language, so maybe I will be able to sneak my way into a set ethnic group. OR, maybe I'll live somewhere long enough to have a culture of my own. The military has it's own culture... I don't just want a culture though, I want ethnicity too.. other than American. American isn't bad, it's just that since I'm in America I want something older. :-P


COMMENTS:

(Anonymous) wrote:

Jul. 22nd, 2005 03:34 pm (local)

to me it sounds like you are desperatly trying to be someone that your not. You do have an ethnic group, just like yes I'm American I am also Irish and Polish. You need to figure out who you are not who you want to pretend to be or make people think you are. Why is it so hard just to be you?

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jul. 23rd, 2005 01:03 am (local)

i still want to be me, i just want to have something more than the english language and the german polka. but it probably stems deeper than that, to what extent i have no idea. and it's hard to be "me" because me has almost always been who other people want me to be. don't know how to fix it...

A Strange RememBRANTs

We belong, we belong to the light 
Many times I’ve tried to tell you 
Many times I’ve cried alone 
Always I’m surprised how well you 
Cut my feelings to the bone 
Don’t want to leave you really 
I’ve invested too much time 
To give you up that easy 
To the doubts that complicate your mind 


Chorus: 
We belong to the light We belong to the thunder 
We belong to the sound of the words We’ve both fallen under 
Whatever we deny or embrace For worse or for better 
We belong, we belong We belong together 


Maybe it’s a sign of weakness 
When I don’t know what to say 
Maybe I just wouldn’t know What to do with my strength anyway 
Have we become a habit 
Do we distort the facts 
Now there’s no looking forward 
Now there’s no turning back 
When you say 
(chorus) 


Close your eyes and try to sleep now 
Close your eyes and try to dream 
Clear your mind and do your best 
To try and wash the palette clean 
We can’t begin to know it 
How much we really care 
I hear your voice inside me 
I see your face everywhere 


Still you say 
(chorus) 


From the album tropico Written by: d. navarro & r. lowen 


Happy B-day to someone who will never read this and never care... and that's okay. 
But sometimes memories hurt and make us wonder. 


SO I'll remember when I put on my tennis shoes and I boarded the plane.
I touched down in VA, the land of the hurricanes, in the middle of a sunny day... 
God -- weren't you lookin' down over me? 
Yeah. I had a first class ticket but was blue as a girl could be.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Amy
Birthday:	February 21, 1985 (12:13am)
Birthplace:	Nonya, Business
Current Location:	Fallbrook, CA
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	62 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right Handed
Your Heritage:	German, Irish, Swedish, French, Polish, Japanese, Native American
The Shoes You Wore Today:	None!
Your Weakness:	Oversensativity
Your Fears:	Being Rejected, Something Happening to Austin, Having to Start Over
Your Perfect Pizza:	Stuffed Crust with a fair amount of sauce and cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Start College/Tech School
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:	My baby is so cute! OR Go back to sleep! (thought to my baby)
Your Best Physical Feature:	Eyes or Lips
Your Bedtime:	12-1am
Your Most Missed Memory:	I can't miss a memory b/c I continue to have it.
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke (Preferably Cherry)
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	With Sam, Group Dates
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	ICK! Tea. :-P
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino... Mmmmm.
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Occasionally
Do you Sing:	La la laaaaaaaaah!... Of course.
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Already did it.
Do you belive in yourself:	Most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Once in a while
Do you think you are Attractive:	Occassionally
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes!
Do you play an Instrument:	Not well. (Piano)
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	No
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on :	a plane
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes (Star Wars III)
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Unfortunately Not
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	LoL, yes
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	Either in my sleep or a quick/crazy way that ends up on the news.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A teacher
What country would you most like to Visit:	Egypt
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Brown
Favourite Hair Color:	Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	Over 6 Feet
Weight:	180-220
Best Clothing Style:	Casual Dress
Number of I have taken:	Number of What???
Number of CDs I own:	Too many to count
Number of Piercings:	Three
Number of Tattoos:	Zero
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	One big thing I think, I dunno about the little things

To Make a Long Story Long.

So most of you who read this(all seven of you...) probably know a lot of this stuff, but not all of it, so I thought I'd share so you could have almost the whole story. Sorry if it's boring, I dunno, it's nice to have documented. Enjoy.

I have been with my husband, Sam, for just over two yrs, and married for a year and three months, we got married really fast. We got engaged in October 03' and married February 04'. We haven't actually had a wedding yet,just the whole court house thing. But we eventually plan on having the whole big wedding sometime in the future, probably our five year anniversary. I found out I was pregnant in March when I was about 6 weeks along. It wasn't planned but it wasn't uplanned either if that makes sense. We knew we wanted kids so we figured we would just let it happen whenever it happened, but we just didn't expect it that soon! We should have though because I ran out of birth control a week after we got married and we didn't really practice "safe" sex.

I hated pregnancy. I REALLY hated it. I got morning sickness the day after I concieved. I didn't know it was morning sickness at the time, but it was. My morning sickness lasted until like my fifth or six month. I'd get it in the morning around seven am and then again at ten-thirty at night. I cried every day for the longest time. It was sort of like post pardem before having the baby. When Austin first started kicking it really weirded me out and I got a little bit squirmish. Eventually I got used to it and liked it, the kicking that is, not the pregnancy. I'd put headphones on my tummy and shine lights on it and stuff like that. 

I believe I was about 33 weeks along when I had to pack up everything Sam and I owned and drive across the country, Virginia to California. I drove one car and Sam drove the other. It was a six day trip, but three of those days were just hanging out at a hotel in Illinois to see my family and wait for Sam to catch up in the other car. When I got to California I was in and out of the emergency room almost every day for two weeks. My blood pressure had gotten really high and ever since about two weeks before leaving VA I got braxton hicks pretty bad. The doctors thought they might have to induce labor when I was 34 weeks, so they injected my with steroids to strengthen the baby's lungs. At 36 weeks they said I could make the eight hour trip to Camp Pendleton so I was with my husband when the baby came. 

Two weeks later, two weeks before Austin was actually due I went to the emergency room because I thought my water might be leaking. They checked my blood pressure and decided to induce. That was the 24th of November. I had Austin on the 25th, Thanksgiving! I thought Labor was the easiest part of the entire pregnancy. They gave me really good drugs that all worked, thank goodness. I only had about five minutes of true pain, that was between the narcotics and the epidural. I think my least favorite part of the whole event was not being able to eat for over 48 hours, I also couldn't drink anything. Because of the high blood pressure they had me on magnesium and couldn't give me anything because there was a chance that I would have a seizure and choke.

Austin did really well through my labor. His heart rate was at the right place and all that fun stuff. He decided to be awesome through the pushing and then when he came out he wasn't breathing and didn't have a heart beat for three minutes. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck three times. I didn't get to see him up close or hold him for a while after he was born. Seven hours after I had him I got a nurse to take some pictures with the camera on my phone, and when he was 12 hours old I finally got to hold and feed him. I don't think I heard him cry until he was two weeks old. He was a great baby then and continues to be a great baby now. I have no idea how I got so lucky.


MUSIC: Fur Lis
COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Apr. 19th, 2005 10:27 am (local)

Wow -- I didn't know that part about him not breathing for 3 mins! Either that or I don't remember. Either is possible. But I'm glad that he's alive and kicking today. He is definitely a great little boy. And cute too!

Life is Still Crazy.

My life lately has been nuts. It started with the new year I swear. 2005 was just not meant to start out right. A series of events led up to the separation of Sam and I as of a week ago. He's been living in the barracks and just Thursday he said he wanted to work things out. BUT I didn't hear from him at all yesterday, granted he had duty, but I know he has time to at least call on duty. Oh well. Since the separation I have made a few new friends, now along with my older friends they are telling me I deserve better and yadda, yadda, yadda. Same story always coming from a different person. Most of the time I know what I want, so what other people say isn't really going to help me too much when it comes to them giving me advice. I always need to figure things out on my own. Right now I don't really know what I want. It's not exactly that though, it's more like the things I want conflict with eachother and that just seems to make everything all the more complicated. 

Anyway, Austin got his first immunization shots on Thursday. He got really mad and has been pretty sleepy ever since. He's so precious. I'm really glad I have him. He is Happiness. Even though crap goes on, none of it seems horrible, because he exists. It's nice that way. 

I'm starting to get used to it out here, I miss Virginia though... Someday I might move back, even if it's not until I'm really old and Sam has died, or something like that. I liked it there. 

Hopefully this bad start to the new year will end when February comes around. I sure do hope so cuz in Feb. I've got my first year wedding anniversary with Sam, the 2nd year of our first meeting, the second year of us "going out", Valentine's Day, and my birthday.


COMMENTS:
mychrysalis wrote:

Jan. 29th, 2005 03:16 pm (local)

I'm sorry you are having such a rough year. I won't try to give you advice, becasue you know what I'd say anyway. And I'm glad Austin makes you happy. Thanks for the pics. He is too cute! I miss you!

What do YOU like and Why?

N.N.=Nickname
M.N.= Middle Name

Ian Bradly Green
Gender: Male
Meaning: God is Gracious
Origin: Celtic/Gaelic
M.N.Meaning: A Broad Lea, Meadow

Julie Beth Green
Gender: Female
Meaning: Soft-haired, youthful
Origin: Latin
M.N.Meaning: Consecrated to God

Colleen Corrine Green
N.N.=C.C.
Gender: Female
Meaning: Irish Girl
Origin: Celtic/Gaelic
M.N.Meaning: Maiden

Genevieve Christine Green
N.N.=Gena
Gender: Female
Meaning: White Wave
Origin: Celtic/Gaelic
M.N.Meaning: Christ-bearer

Katen Michelle Green
N.N.=Kate
Gender: Female
Meaning: Pure, Virginal
Origin: Celtic/Gaelic
M.N.Meaning: Who is like God?

Natalia Rene Green
N.N.=Lia
Gender: Female
Meaning: Born on Christmas
Origin: Italian
M.N.Meaning: Reborn

Winona Rene Green
N.N.=Nina
Gender: Female
Meaning: First Born
Origin: Native American
M.N.Meaning: Reborn

Corrine Rene Green
N.N.=Corri
Gender: Female
Meaning: Maiden
Origin: Greek
M.N.Meaning: Reborn

Emilie Hope Green
N.N.=Emi
Gender: Female
Meaning: Ambitious, Industrious
Origin: French
M.N.Meaning: Trust, Faith

Leona Rene Green
N.N.=Lea
Gender: Female
Meaning: Like A Lion
Origin: French
M.N.Meaning: Reborn

Liam Timothy Green
N.N.=Li
Gender: Male
Meaning: Determined Guardian
Origin: Celtic/Gaelic
M.N.Meaning: To Honor God

Wes Lee Green
N.N.=Wesly
Gender: Male
Meaning: The West Meadow
Origin: German
M.N.Meaning: Sheltered from the storm

Eryk/Erik Austin Green
Gender: Male
Meaning: Ever Powerful
Origin: Polish
M.N.Meaning: Revered, Exalted
Gender: Male
Meaning: Honorable Ruler
Origin: Scandinavian

Kelli Austin Green
Gender: Female
Meaning: Warrior/Defender
Origin: American
M.N.Meaning: Revered, Exalted

William Lee Green
N.N.=Will
Gender: Male
Meaning: Protector
Origin: English
M.N.Meaning: Sheltered from the storm

Austin Thomas Green
Gender: Male
Meaning: Revered, Exalted
Origin: English
M.N.Meaning: A Twin

Kisha Sharon Green
N.N.=Kia
Gender: Female
Meaning: Rainfall
Origin: Slavic
M.N.Meaning: A Flat clearing

Nathaniel Ryan Green
N.N.=Nathan
Gender: Male
Meaning: Gift of God
Origin: Hebrew
M.N.Meaning: Young Royalty

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
May. 25th, 2004 07:38 am (local)
My favorites are: Natalia Rene, Emilie Hope, Wes Lee, and Austin Thomas. My advice to you though, don't name the baby with a first or middle name that rhymes with your last name. That just sounds kinda weird and he/she may get made fun of for it when he/she gets older. :o)

enattendant wrote:
May. 25th, 2004 11:15 am (local)
I have to say I like all the Celtic/Gaelic ones, but that's probably typical of me. However, Nathaniel and Kisha are cool names too.

rossbert wrote:
May. 25th, 2004 12:02 pm (local)
Hmmm, I had forgotten about Liam, I liked that name.

Ross
Meaning: From the pennisula
Origin: Scotch Gaelic

Blb Blb Blb...

I really have had no motivation to write in this lately. I mean, I guess the motivation to write in it is there, but then when I have the blank screen in front of me my mind goes blank. I guess there's a lot that I could talk about, but I have to talk to family members before I tell more non-family members. I'm terrified. I really shouldn't be the few family members I have told have been really supportive. Ugh... I don't even know how Sam feels about anything because I'm too afraid to bring it up. We've been getting along better than normal lately and I'm afraid that if I bring up something so serious it will ruin that. It's been in the 80's/90's since Saturday. I love the weather but it sure does make me sweat a lot. Soon I get to go home and see if Sam and I have to pay a $500 fine to the DMV. Oh joy, oh bliss... I had a horrible dream early this morning where I was screaming and screaming and throwing a huge fit but nothing was going my way... Hmmmm... I am seriously bewildered.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
Apr. 22nd, 2004 12:21 pm (local)
Don't worry hun... things will get much easier once you tell people. It pulls a huge weight off of your chest. If you need to talk, you have my number. Oh and I wanted to mention too... I don't have free long distance on my cellphone, so it'd actually be better if you call me. I don't know if you have free long distance on your phone or not, but I can't really afford to be paying the however many cents per minute charge to call outside of my service area. Bleh. Let me know and take care.