Ughhhhhh.......

I've been pretty frustrated lately, both with Sam and myself. Sam tries to do things that make me happy, and that takes a lot of effort on his behalf, but to me it seems like he should be doing more. I wish I had it in my to just dwell on the few things he does that he thinks are nice but that I think any husband would just be stupid NOT to do for his wife, but I obviously don't have it in me. I get so irritated with him! His communication skills are severely lacking and that is a huge part of our problems/my issues. 

For example, the other day he said that some of his family was at Disneyland so he was going to take his motorcycle up to L.A. and visit with them for the day. He didn't ask if I wanted to go, he didn't say that I was invited, he just told me what he was going to do, without any reguard for my feelings. This was upsetting to me, so for a lack of better words, I threw a fit. I just didn't want to be by him, talk to him, ANYTHING. He asked me why it was such a big deal that he was going to visit his family, and I tried explaining that the fact that he was visiting his family wasn't upsetting it was that he was going some place fun without me, without even considering bringing me. 

Anyway, continuing my story... We get in the house Sam is taking pictures with the digital camera and I'm wondering why he's taking pictures of his motorcycle jacket if he's going to be wearing it on the trip, then I hear that he says, so I can bring you and Austin and just show them pictures. This was like 10 minutes after we got in the house, after he had asked if there were any pictures of Austin and I on the camera so he could show family memebers he hasn't seen in a while us... I was SO confused. But I heard I got to go with him, so I was happy and excited, I mean it's Disneyland, right? 

Wrong. The next morning I'm loading up sunscreen and things to get us through a long, probably hot day. Sam's got the baby and is heading out the door, I tell him that I'll be a minute, I still need to grab the stroller. Then he tells me we won't need the stroller. To which I said, I am not carrying him all day. Sam just replied that everyone would probably pass him around. I was confused again, a day at Disneyland, eventually someone is not going to be carrying a baby just shy of 20lbs. Finally he tells me that we're not going to Disneyland, we're going to the hotel his family was staying at. He was just saying Disneyland because that's where they were the two previous days and that's what the hotel is somewhat close to. AHHHH! 

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't have been upset if he hadn't invited me to spend time with him and his family, BUT I wouldn't have been as upset about that as him going to Disneyland without me... I was at a loss. To add to my frustration, while we were at the hotel he almost totally ignored me and he was all playful with his cousins, but I looked at him (not a mean look either) and he was like "what?"

Last night I asked him if he could possibly show me some signs of affection before I leave for WI on Friday and he said, "what, today wasn't enough?" I mean, c'mon, I can't be the only one who thinks husbands should be nice more than just once a week, or even once a day isn't asking too much. Hugs in the morning, hugs at night, that's already two things.

Another time where miscommunicating lead to me being annoyed was today. Sam had said he was paying my sprint bill a few days ago. Today, my sprint phone is still not in service and I'm wondering how long it takes sprint to process it's checks. I call him and say "did you pay my sprint bill?" No. No he didn't. He told me he was going to, but he didn't. Supposedly because I had mentioned other bills we had and he had figured there wasn't enough money to pay it on top of them. I don't remember mentioning anything about bills in that particular conversation. He gets paid in like a week, so I doubt I would have thought to use the current money for bills we have now anyway.

He just got a $1200 loan and he said he was going to use it so I had spending money for WI and to pay off a personal loan we took out in VA. It would have the same APR, so really no big deal. Well, he happened to spend all the money he got from that loan, on anything and everything, and now I'm not going to have spending money for Wi and my sprint bill is still not paid. BUT his is. The phone that he hardly ever talks to anyone on, with two hundred more minutes than mine.

:-( I don't know what to do. I know that there are things I like about Sam, but... I just feel like I'm going crazy right now. I don't know what to do about all of this. It's too much stress for me right now. I need this upcoming visit to WI, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna wanna come back to Cali when it's all done and over. I know I want things with Sam to work, it just feels sort of hopeless at the moment. :-( Ughhhhhh.........


COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:

May. 23rd, 2005 05:25 pm (local)

Look me up when you get back up here, my cell is (920)960-3986.
ordinaryfool wrote:

May. 23rd, 2005 10:53 pm (local)

Aw, Amy, I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry. I really hope the trip back up here does you some good.