A Talk

Last night Jeremy and I had a talk and I actually told him a lot of the feelings I've been keeping from him. I keep them from him because I feel they are mean. I hate that I compare people I have dated. I hate some of the shallow feelings I seem to have. I feel that is something wrong with me and telling him will only hurt him and not actually help our situation.

Anyway, last night I talked and didn't feel any better, but today I felt sorry. I feel like I've been ungrateful and immature. I see a future with Jeremy. I think whatever funk I'm in is just a phase. I really need to just wait it out, and I think things will get better.

It is such a big adjustment for me being with someone who really cares and isn't just trying to smooth talk me, or keep me around for a short while. It is a big adjustment to be with someone I don't just look at as a "pick me up," or completely replaceable.

I need to go through these different phases of a real, healthy relationship to figure out what it's all about. I've never had this before and I need to learn. I am so glad after my little rants and odd thoughts/feelings that Jeremy still knows I love and care about him, and that it never seems to shake his feelings for me.



K, on a different note, there's a house down the street that is adorable and a nice price, in a good neighborhood... and I know Jeremy was interested in it before... The price went down $9,000 since this summer. I'm really hoping to have a house by the time Austin starts kindergarden. That's not for another year and a half/two years, but it's still something I'm eager for. We'll see if it goes anywhere.