Dear Friends...

Hey-
I just thought I'd give another update.. sometimes I miss posting on livejournal... Anyway... Update...

I'm pregnant. It's not Sam's baby. My family knows. The father knows, and now apparently Sam's command knows and wants to get the father kicked out of the military. Because in the military adultery is illegal.

CPS has been a little more involved in my life since January, right after Sam spazzed out cuz of alcohol, and even more so after April when he slapped me... I eventually came to the conclusion he was more than likely sleeping when he slapped me, but it's still not something I ever want to deal with again.

Sam knows I'm pregnant, and that it's not his. His been seeming a lot more grown up since I got back from Wisconsin... Well, for the most part. Really it's only been the past week and half that he's seemed "better." And I know how the cycle goes, but I always hope that he really has changed.

I'm super stressed about a lot in life, but it's only effecting me a little, or at least not as much as it would have in the past.

I get little bouts of saddness but I seem to be dealing with that kind of thing much better, I want to say since October than I ever have in my life... Maybe it's been more recent though.

Austin always brings me joy, and on top of that I have incredible friends.

I'm still a little lost for the time being though. I'll try to keep you up to speed.

<3me



COMMENTS:
vivrelavie wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2007 08:48 am (local)
Oh wow, Amy. *hugs*

summer_mommy wrote:
Jun. 26th, 2007 10:32 am (local)
*hugs* Remember I'm always here if you need me.

'bout me

~My Temperament~
You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.
You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

~My Personality~
Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

~My Love Life Secrets~
Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.
You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?
It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.
In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.
You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.


~My Love Type~
The Giver
In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail.
For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring.
Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational.
However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner.
Best matches: INFP or ISFP

What's going on...

april 12- sam slapped me (says he was sleeping... and i sorta believe him, but i'm not positive) he was sleeping and i tried to wake him up, he slapped me, then pushed me down... he said i slapped him and then he pushed me down, reguardless, i was pretty upset, i called the police cuz i sorta felt like i was being attacked and i was scared. sam went to jail for a few days.

we got in touch through his mom and sorta sorted things out, but i never really got over it. (might come from seein' my mom be abused the first five years of my life)

Quick let me mention that from about March 23 til the 12th Sam and I had been getting along great... I actually sorta started to get a crush on him around Easter time, although as I explained it to him I felt like I was starting to like the ex of a best friend and it was really an akward, uncomfortable type of liking that I didn'[t know how to deal with.

As of the 6th of May it became more clear than it ever has before that I don't want to, and shouldn't be with Sam. On the 7th we mutually decided to separate. He's sorta been annoying, in a sense, about it. He said he only agreed to separating because he figured I would miss him and ask him to come back... The thing is I don't miss him. I very much enjoy my freedom, and... yeah.

I'm a little worried I won't like my freedom so much when I have to start taking care of all my own bills. (after a legal separation is filed or we file for divorce) I know I need to take everything one day at a time, and I think it may be slightly easier while I'm in Wisconsin. (That's tomorrow evening!!!)

While I'm in Wisconsin I'm hoping to get a "Y" pass for a month, and I would love to be able to take a few dance classes. My first weekend is pretty much taken up already with my dad's wedding and cousin's confirmation, and I'm going to Ohio the second weekend... lol, Walleye Weekend is the fourth weekend, but the 3rd weekend and weekdays... I've got nothin. I feel a little bad, I have no idea where I'm going to stay while I'm back. I'm hoping family just lets me crash. (like grandparents and aunts and uncles.) I'm also hoping Austin deals with everything okay.

He's getting so big, and he's a little accident prone. Makes me worry like crazy!

Okay, I guess that's all for now. There's more I would write about but it feels like I should be doing separate blogs for each of the separate things I want to write about, and I'm not that inspired at the moment. :-P :-)

COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:
May. 16th, 2007 09:07 am (local)
Let me know when you're looking and I'll hook you up with the schedule for the studio.
nayflower wrote:
May. 16th, 2007 11:02 am (local)
Hi, Dearie! I am back in Wisconsin as well. . .give me a call on my cell, as I'm not at my parents house :) I hope we get to hang out at least once!

**IN RETROSPECT(4/10/12):
This was the day I concieved Nayeli.

Apology.

screams of lust we cry
tonight you are everything to me
you're everything...
you're everything to me no more
as I wake from this perfect dream
I'll escape from Eden's walls
can I not stay and live this lie?
go away and I'll think only of myself

and to think that you would not be scared or surprised if I'd severed all these ties
this is the end...

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

I feel so numb to see this bitter end of beautiful illusions...would this be the same?
broken pieces will not mend to save our past now...go away...

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

now we must let go
urgency overwhelms me as I must restrain my flood of tears
I refuse to be slave to your false beauty again

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight
help me get over you
one last false apology
help me get over you

Ladeedah.

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Personality You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more religious than atheist, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more follower than leader, and more extroverted than introverted. As for specific personality traits, you are outgoing (100%), romantic (86%), slutty (79%), horny (78%).

Stereotypes Emo Kid 89% Punk Rock 80% Prep 69%

Life Experience Sex 56% Substances 30% Travel 26%

Politics Your political views would best be described as Conservative, whom you agree with around 39% of the time.

Socioeconomic Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 65% of those who have taken this test, and 52% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R. By the way, your hottness rank is 67%, hotter than 74% of other test takers.

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Just Stuff Like Usual

well, i feel like just spilling a bunch of stuff, but i'm on a time limit here so i think i'm just gonna say what comes to mind...

sam is driving me crazy. he's been "trying" and i appreciate the effort but he's just turn into a crazy jealous person who doesn't want me to have any friends... i need friends, guys and girls...

i love my friends! danielle's been in ohio since the end of january but we talk on the phone quite a bit so i don't feel like i've lost her.

school is becoming difficult. i'm trying to figure out how to balance keeping the apartment in order, taking care of austin 24/7 and having the chance to get any schoolwork done. i don't have any babysitters, sam hasn't lived here since the end of january, and he only comes around on the nights i have school to watch austin. (he's still pretty much restricted to stay on base, especially over night)

i really want to get more into photography. i want to take a digital photography class and i want a better camera.

i know i have more to say, but i have to go get ready for my monthy luncheon!

hope everyone is doing well.

Flip Flop

I was in a really strange mood for the past two weeks and then, like Saturday I was all of a sudden okay. Now things are getting stressful again, but not for the same reason. I don't know why I was stressed for a two week stint. It was the first time Sam was home since I've been in school and I'm pretty sure it was just the being a mom, wife And student that was getting to me. I mean, I never stopped being a wife while Sam was gone, but I didn't have to think about giving him attention or making him happy. I got to be a little more egocentric, and I enjoyed it. I think I was sort of holding the fact that my attention was divided between even more things when he got home against him. I knew he had done nothing wrong though, so it's not like I got mad at him, just peeved at myself. And now, after I had gotten things sorted out on Saturday, we're getting into these petty arguments that turn into big deals. We're going in for an assesment on Monday, it's a pre-marriage counseling thing that the Family Advocacy Center does out here. Oh joy, oh bliss... Austin is standing up on everything, and on his eight month birthday he started saying dada. It's SO cute! He's so entertaining. Sam lowered his crib tonight because this morning when I went to get him out of bed he was standing up. (I don't want him to fall out of bed!) Sam's birthday was yesterday. I made him breakfast in bed. It was fun. I don't think I've ever done that for him before. Most of the day was great, he had work, I had school, but we got along between my classes... Unfortunately after sociology is when we got into the argument. Oooh, I don't have any tests for sociology for the next two weeks. I do have a paper due this coming Tuesday though. I also have a spanish paper due that day. The spanish one I can handle. Soc. shouldn't be impossible either, but finding the time to get it done might be. I have new pix of Austin on http://www.myspace.com. My username is amyrose221 or you can just find me by typing in yoshi_rose@hotmail.com, if you wanna see Austin anyway. :-) I guess the only other new news I have is cable was installed in my house today. It's the first time I've had it since moving from home in November 2003. Wow.


COMMENTS:
pink_daisies wrote:

Jul. 29th, 2005 06:46 pm (local)

I'm so sorry, It turned out that Friday became the most hectick day of my week. It thought that it was going to be a free day, but it turned out I had a million things to do for my vending machines, and then when I finally got home I was so tired I didn't even want to think. I will call you tomorrow; Saturday. Hopefully you'll be interested in doing something/ and free. Sorry sorry.

yoshi_rose wrote:

Jul. 31st, 2005 03:26 pm (local)

Hey-Don't stress over it, things come up. I appreciate the comment though. :-) I'm in a rush to get my sociology paper done before Tuesday, but if you're not poppin out a baby or anything Sam is going camping the 12th-14th of August.