Neglected...

I'm feeling neglected which is never any fun. Sam was gone all weekend, Friday morning to Monday morning, and had work all day Monday. When he got home from work he pretty much shut himself in the bedroom... I was around him for an hour, and that was just watching parts of Lion King 1 1/2. Today he worked late, came home, didn't come in for like an hour and a half after he got here, then popped in DVDs and shushed me every time I tryed to start a conversation. After the movies he got on the computer and I tried to talk to him, but every conversation was a dead topic. It seems like no matter how hard I try or don't try I can't get him to communicate.

Alright so, Sam won't communicate with me and I don't live by anyone that I've known for an extended period of time and the person that I'm closest to out here other than Sam is in the process of being on a two week vacation, so I'm going nuts with no sense of intimacy with anyone on the "talking in person" level. The phone is one thing, real live human interaction is another thing completely. 

I truley dislike this lonely feeling. The less attention Sam gives me the more I yearn for someone who will completely adore me... That makes sense and yet I'd think that over time I'd get used to being ignored and brushed aside. *Sigh* I dunno, maybe I'll figure out how to achieve happiness without Sam constantly being nice to me, still it would be nice to be shown some affection, I mean, I'm his wife, right? A hug a day? A kiss a day? I dunno. Maybe for him that's asking to much. :-P


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Mar. 16th, 2005 09:38 am (local)

I think for a lot of guys that's asking too much, unfortunately -- especially for the communication part. For some reason guys are intimidated by talking. Why? It's such a simple thing! Don't worry. It annoys the crap outta me when Chon does that too. Maybe someday they will learn to be nice to us!!! Take care and I hope you find some good interaction soon, hun. *hugs*

mychrysalis wrote:

Mar. 16th, 2005 11:33 am (local)

I'm sorry Sam is still being difficult. Always remember that you do have the right to be happy and if you feel you need affection, then you do. You never have to settle for less than you need. With that in mind, I'm sending big "Auntie Alicia" hugs your way.

vivrelavie wrote:

Mar. 16th, 2005 06:09 pm (local)

*hugs* Have you ever gone to Boards.WeddingChannel.Com? They have a Newlywed (and even for not-so-newly weds like me) board. In that board, there is a sub board for emotional support. I think you should go there. I don't want to be a downer, but Amy, it isn't fair for you to feel that way so often. Once and awhile is one thing, but I am worried about you. I know we never knew each other too well, but I still care. Please visit that site. Have you two talked about marital counseling? It might help open the path to more communication and affection. It's great for good days and bad. :)

*hugs* again.

Hehehe...

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	The Music in your Head
Quiz created with MemeGen!

COMMENTS:
rossbert wrote:

Mar. 14th, 2005 12:49 pm (local)

Sweetness.

Sweet! One of Stewie's sexy parties!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Today was interesting. Sam left to go up North and show off his motorcycle, and I was feeling lonely. My apartment managers 12 year old daughter wanted to hang out with me and I was totally up for the company. First we went to have pictures taken at this market place. It was really different from anywhere I've ever went. It was sort of like a mall, but there weren't walls separating the stores, it was sort of like a warehouse, but things were the same price as they are in "real" stores. I dunno, it was pretty cool. The place we went for pictures was fairly cheap. Five dollars for nine wallet sized pictures. After that escapade we went to Taco Bell. Mmmm, so good. Back at the apartment complex I ran into Molly, the mom of the 12 year old I babysit, she needed a babysitter for a "few" hours tonight/last night. I said I could do it, even though Austin and I have colds. She was going to be in bed half and hour after she got here so I figured I'd be fine. So then I had two twelve year olds in my apartment. I have some clothes I'm going to give to Goodwill because I'm sick of them or they don't fit and the girls decided we were going to play dress up. It was fun, we picked out outfits and did eachothers make-up. Oh, and we danced to Barbie Girl and some other music. Then Lexie, the 12 year old I'm babysitting had to go to bed, and Andrea and I stayed up and watched "Raise Your Voice". Anyway, now there are two 12 year olds asleep in my apartment, and Austin's asleep on my bed. It's funny. I feel like a big sister or something. It was really fun to do kid stuff like that again. I mean, I wouldn't want to do it on a regular basis or anything, but it was awesome after such a long time of not doing it. :-)

My Big Boy

Austin rolled over from his back to his tummy this morning. I'm so proud. :-) I have been babysitting since 11am and it is just about 12am. Lucky for me it was between two different children, and they do sleep a fair amount of the time that they're here. Anyway, the one I'm "watching" now was suppose to leave an hour and a half ago, I'm a little frustrated cuz I have bible study tomorrow and I'm tired now... Life goes on though. Sam's been a sweety lately. It's great. He's been reminding me a lot of how he was when we first started dating. Not quite as sweet, but pretty close. :-) Kathy is coming to visit me in a week and a half! I'm very excited to have a visitor. She will be my first one! My apartment is too clean for me. I tidyed up while Sam had duty and the cleanliness is weirding me out. I'm not going to intentionally mess it up though... I dunno, something to get used to I guess. Well, I am way too drained to think of stuff to write, so I'm going to go. Good night.


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Mar. 10th, 2005 09:05 am (local)

Congratulations, Austin! Before you know it, he'll be 9 months old like Maia. *cry*

About Me

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Amy
Birthday:	2/21
Birthplace:	Fond du Lac, WI
Current Location:	Fallbrook, CA
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brunette
Height:	62.5 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	German, Sweedish, Dutch, Irish, French, Native American, Japanese
The Shoes You Wore Today:	White Strappy Sandles
Your Weakness:	Caring too much
Your Fears:	Being hurt
Your Perfect Pizza:	Cheese and Pepperoni, Thick crust
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Getting into some type of routine
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	Yeah
Thoughts First Waking Up:	My baby is SO cute
Your Best Physical Feature:	Eyes
Your Bedtime:	It varies
Your Most Missed Memory:	Spending time with Kathy
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Ick
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Sometimes
Do you Sing:	Often
Do you Shower Daily:	For the most part
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Already am
Do you belive in yourself:	Not enough
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Sometimes
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Do you play an Instrument:	No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep, or some really messed up accident where I die quickly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A mom of four and maybe a school teacher
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Brown
Favourite Hair Color:	Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	Tall (Over 6 Feet)
Weight:	180-190lbs
Best Clothing Style:	Casual dress (black khakis, clean tennies, and a t-shirt or button up
Number of Drugs I have taken:	2
Number of CDs I own:	Too many to count right now
Number of Piercings:	3
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Too many to count right now

Stressing

Yesterday Sam went to look at "motorcycles" and ended up coming home with one. It's a Ninja Z6XR? I think. Anyway it's lime green and really fast. He took me for a short ride to the video store on it. I was okay on the way there, but I prayed for safety the entire ride home. I was terrified. I'm not really a motorbike kind of person. But yeah, it's gonna end up costing us like $16,000.00 at the most, $9,000.00 at the least. But still, Sam makes under $17,000.00 a year. Ugh!!! And I thought he didn't spend enough time at home before.

On top of that I feel like I am coming into a delayed post pardem depression. I think it's too long after my pregnancy to technically call it that, but that's what it feels like. I have been having all of these paranoias and aggressive feelings, not toward the baby, but toward myself. It's like I can't keep the house clean enough, the laundry is never ending, I want to help with the income, but I don't want to lose time spent with my family... :-P

I miss having a best friend under 10 minutes away from me. I've been slowly but surely making more friends out here, but none of them compare to Kathy. I don't want to replace her, I just want someone I can call any time and be completely comfortable with, and get away with when I need to get away. I miss my best buds from VA too. :-(

On a happy note, it was in the mid seventies a few days ago, I layed out by the pool and got a tan, it was awesome. Oh, another happy thing... I submitted a poem to a poetry contest and it's in the semi-finals and people want to publish it in a book! I'm honored. It's so cool. 

Austin is three months old now. He can shake a rattle and get on his knees, like he's going to crawl, but he doesn't moves his arms, so he just ends up doing a wheel barrel sort of thing. He can sit for just under twenty seconds, and he's trying to roll over from his back to his front, but he gets stuck on his arm. He's been able to roll over from tummy to back for some time now. I love him!

Recently I began a bible study, actually just last Thursday. There's really no one my age in it, but that's alright, I get along with older people anyway. Plus not too many people my age have kids, so I can relate with people with a few more years than me.

Hopefully my Tricare Prime (The insurance that will fully cover me) kicks in soon, and I can get tested for allergies, and see a psychatrist, and go to the dentist! I think that will make a few things slightly less stressful. :-)

Hope everyone who reads this is doing well, if you're reading it and haven't written in a while, write something! I like to hear about your lives too. And for those of you who do write, keep it up! :-)

Me Time

I painted my finger and toe nails tonight. My fingernails are a funky purplish green swirl and my toes are light blue, purple, red, dark blue and green. My birthday was fun. I think it topped last years, which is awesome. Last year I was sort of down because a birthday without family doesn't even seem like a real birthday, no cake, no presents... just an empty feeling. This year was different though, no family, and no presents (on the actual day) BUT I did get a cake and a few cards and a really nice boquet of flowers. :-)

I'm going to the introduction of a bible study tomorrow morning. I should be sleeping, but I slept in the morning when I really didn't need to so I'm awake right now. Austin is screaming, but he's fed and changed and I don't think he has gas... He just really likes to be held. And I really like holding him so I'm not sure how to break him of the habbit.

Sam's gone tonight. He's got duty, and tomorrow he has ENDOC--I don't know if I wrote that right, but oh well, I've never been in the Navy so I don't have to know how to spell it. It's the first time in a long time that I have sincerely missed him when he's been away. Things have been nice lately. But every time I get comfortable with things going well they turn around on me... :P Ugh.

I haven't had to babysit at all this week. Lexie's dad just got back from Iraq and he's spending time with her. I've been enjoying my break. It's not like I watch her a lot, but I enjoy having more free time. Unfortunately I also enjoy having money to do things, so I have to do a little work. I was thinking about applying at Subway, but I'd like to see Sam once in a while, and I think that I'd probably really miss Austin if I got an outside job. I'm undecided yet.

Austin will be three months old tomorrow. My scale says he's 16 pounds.. such a big boy. His newest thing is squealing at the top of his lungs for the heck of it. It's cute and yet irritating. Reguardless I love him like crazy.