Is the Past Repeating Itself?

I'm still in the process of moving all of my blogs to blogger and during this process I get to read over four years of a completely unhealthy relationship.  I came upon THIS and can't help but notice how that is EXACTLY how I feel in my relationship with Jeremy right now.  :-(  He sleeps for 12-14 hours a day, or he goes to bed just a couple hours before I wake up and then sleeps until he has to go to work.  He plays video games or watches shows when he's not sleeping or working.  Once in a while I like the shows he's watching... so...  Two hours and fifteen minutes a week were doing something together...  Otherwise I get nothing.  He does try to hug and kiss me before he goes to work, but when that's ALL I get I can't help but wanting more.  No sex for three months... and honestly less than ten times in two years...  What is this?

I can't stand the thought of splitting up my family.  I have so many hopes, dreams, desires based around a stable, cohesive family but I've been so sad and upset about my relationship with Jeremy lately that it's hard to function. I wish there was an easy answer.  I wish Jeremy listened to my "cries for help" and made an effort to change.  I wish he could see his addiction and that it negatively impacts those "closest" to him.  :-(

Venting

I'm sick of people.

I'm sick of trusting and being let down.

I'm sick of thinking I'm past being naive and being let down again.

I miss Bri.  I miss Danielle.  I miss knowing they were there emotionally AND physically.  (like, in person)  I miss boyfriends that knew how to make me feel wanted.  Maybe they were players... maybe they ended up breaking my heart (with help from me of course) but it was nice to feel wanted.

I'm glad I have the kids.

I'm glad I enjoy them.

I'm glad I have the time to enjoy them.

Someday they may let me down in ways, but I hope that I don't see it that way when it happens.

Too Much?

Homeschooling Austin, potty-training Nayeli, and Kheaven having more appointments in a month than my other kids have had in their life is a LOT of work.  It's not easy.  It's rewarding though.  I hope my parenting and attitude is an inspiration to others, but more so I hope that it glorifies God and makes Him happy.

Idge

I miss having nicknames.  I miss making up hypothetical futures.  I want someone who's as alert as I am, who has the same fervor for life.  I won't give up what the kids and I have though.  I want the best for them, therefore; I have to choose the path that leads to whats best for them.  As far as my desires are concerned I feel like I have to suck it up and move on.  I have a lot to be thankful for and I need to focus on that.  Sure I'll miss some things, but there are plenty of bad things I'm missing out on too.

NDSSW Picnic and Wichita Trip

MulVANE
don't say WI in Emily's car
looking at pictures in Belle Plain
finding our way to Derby/crossing county line/directions from a man mowing his lawn/following Grandma Glora
The Picnic
Cold Stone
Dillons
Clouds on the way home
Wheat gum
Awesome sunset
Storm

The Journey to Walmart in Wichita

What is there to do for two Kansan girls to do late at night after children are sleeping? IHOP, Walmart, drive around?.. Or maybe a combination of the two! And that was our thought process when we decided to drive an hour and a half to go to a Walmart in Wichita... when we already have a Walmart where we live... but we'd already been to that one, what's the adventure in that? (Oh never-mind, Walmart is ALWAYS and adventure, but we wanted a different kind.)

I believe it was after mid-night when we set out on our journey. A little less than an hour into our trip the forces that be decided we needed more than just a trip to Walmart... Our tire started to fall apart, and we could feel it. We pulled into the nearest town. Newton to be exact... and if you haven't been to Newton between 1:30 and 3:00 in the morning than you haven't lived!!! And by lived I mean, you haven't seen the coolest town folk that ever existed. Did you know old men hang out at the gas station at three in the morning? We sure didn't.

Being girls, as we are, we weren't really knowing exactly where the tools we needed to put on our spare were... so, we waited... We waited with the hope that some man would need fuel and be able to solve our car troubles.

Turns out our night in shining armor was a potentially gorgeous, although fully unaware of his potential guy, on a bike. He used to change tires on the big rigs in town, or at least I think I recall him saying that, and he found our jack and put on our spare in a jiffy. Thank you Jesus! and guy on a bike! --Trevor-- Oh yeah, remembered his name just now. I should b/c he totally kissed Emily and later gave me his number.

After said events we proceeded to Walmart, in Wichita. We were looking at picking up a new tire, but funds were low... we thought about staying the night and bringing a car to the shop in the morning, but sleeping children eventually awaken, and mommy needed to get home.

We did have our own Wichita Walmart adventure though... we took pictures in the store, using my DSLR... then, using an extra memory card I had along we used their camera's to take a couple of pictures. We're so bad. And by bad I mean awesome. Awesome, and amused easily. :)

Coronado Heights: Early-Mid January

This would be so much better if I still had the poorly lit pictures of that night. I never lose pictures?

WTF?!

It was a crisp winter's eve and I was kidnapped by a crazed star gazer. She took me out into the middle of nowhere until we came upon a castle. It was quaint and small, but the view was GRAND. On top of the world we discussed things, like coyotes wanting to be dogs... or vice versa... But the world was ours staring at the stars side by side. We even found our own smiling constellation.

Oh, and I didn't even fall down the stairs... and she peed next to her car. Hahaha, can't forget that part. ;)