Idge

I miss having nicknames.  I miss making up hypothetical futures.  I want someone who's as alert as I am, who has the same fervor for life.  I won't give up what the kids and I have though.  I want the best for them, therefore; I have to choose the path that leads to whats best for them.  As far as my desires are concerned I feel like I have to suck it up and move on.  I have a lot to be thankful for and I need to focus on that.  Sure I'll miss some things, but there are plenty of bad things I'm missing out on too.

NDSSW Picnic and Wichita Trip

MulVANE
don't say WI in Emily's car
looking at pictures in Belle Plain
finding our way to Derby/crossing county line/directions from a man mowing his lawn/following Grandma Glora
The Picnic
Cold Stone
Dillons
Clouds on the way home
Wheat gum
Awesome sunset
Storm

The Journey to Walmart in Wichita

What is there to do for two Kansan girls to do late at night after children are sleeping? IHOP, Walmart, drive around?.. Or maybe a combination of the two! And that was our thought process when we decided to drive an hour and a half to go to a Walmart in Wichita... when we already have a Walmart where we live... but we'd already been to that one, what's the adventure in that? (Oh never-mind, Walmart is ALWAYS and adventure, but we wanted a different kind.)

I believe it was after mid-night when we set out on our journey. A little less than an hour into our trip the forces that be decided we needed more than just a trip to Walmart... Our tire started to fall apart, and we could feel it. We pulled into the nearest town. Newton to be exact... and if you haven't been to Newton between 1:30 and 3:00 in the morning than you haven't lived!!! And by lived I mean, you haven't seen the coolest town folk that ever existed. Did you know old men hang out at the gas station at three in the morning? We sure didn't.

Being girls, as we are, we weren't really knowing exactly where the tools we needed to put on our spare were... so, we waited... We waited with the hope that some man would need fuel and be able to solve our car troubles.

Turns out our night in shining armor was a potentially gorgeous, although fully unaware of his potential guy, on a bike. He used to change tires on the big rigs in town, or at least I think I recall him saying that, and he found our jack and put on our spare in a jiffy. Thank you Jesus! and guy on a bike! --Trevor-- Oh yeah, remembered his name just now. I should b/c he totally kissed Emily and later gave me his number.

After said events we proceeded to Walmart, in Wichita. We were looking at picking up a new tire, but funds were low... we thought about staying the night and bringing a car to the shop in the morning, but sleeping children eventually awaken, and mommy needed to get home.

We did have our own Wichita Walmart adventure though... we took pictures in the store, using my DSLR... then, using an extra memory card I had along we used their camera's to take a couple of pictures. We're so bad. And by bad I mean awesome. Awesome, and amused easily. :)

Coronado Heights: Early-Mid January

This would be so much better if I still had the poorly lit pictures of that night. I never lose pictures?

WTF?!

It was a crisp winter's eve and I was kidnapped by a crazed star gazer. She took me out into the middle of nowhere until we came upon a castle. It was quaint and small, but the view was GRAND. On top of the world we discussed things, like coyotes wanting to be dogs... or vice versa... But the world was ours staring at the stars side by side. We even found our own smiling constellation.

Oh, and I didn't even fall down the stairs... and she peed next to her car. Hahaha, can't forget that part. ;)

How it REALLY started: 11/13/2009

Girl's night out for a mutual friends b-day party... our first adventure. We breifly met two times prior and became facebook friends. The b-day though was when it really started. Nothing to make two people bond like a night spent @ places named Ice and Infierno... Actually we didn't really hang out at the clubs, it was the after party that got us talking.

We met some gay Canadians and they ended up at the after party. They did nothing but dance with eachother in the living room and delete pictures off my camera. Nobody touches my camera... Seriously wanted to hurt that guy... Dave? Yeah I remember your name.

Well anyway, MF had a co-worker over and he stole all her drunken attention, so Em and I went underground and started chatting.

That's right, drunken bonding really started 11/14. And even if I lost conciousness for the first time of alcohol that night, and even though she had no recolection of 30 minutes of the night we were etched in eachother's brains forever. (which is now like three months... but still FOREVER!)

Not a Dream

*Disclaimer: So, it's an emo-ish poem... 
Just b/c I'm happy most of the time, doesn't mean I don't have moments.  Plus sometimes, with poetry, I tend to be a little more dramatic.  ;-)  That being said...

I feel like I'm losing you every day
Even though you left long ago
I search for the feeling, knowing you'd stay
Then I get SO mad knowing it isn't so

I see you in my dreams,
so close that I can touch.
You're there for me in that place
It's really almost too much

I need you
Here
For me
I need you
-To be all that I was.
It's hard to face reality,
when I know that I'm missing your love.

It's hard,
 because when I shut my eyes
it seems I find sweet release
But as I wake and you drift away
I'm only left with the memory
And I'm lelft feeling emty with a sense of insanity.

Where are you?!  Where are you?!
Why aren't you here???
My sorrow, it deepens.
I fight not to be consumed
by anger,
and frustration,
 and tears. 

Fall Cleaning?

I've been laying in bed for an hour and a half AT LEAST thinking. I haven't really been sleeping like a baby since having the baby, and after finding out about the DS it's been even less.

Meanwhile... I start praying, it's my "now I lay me" prayer, the one I said with my mom every night when she tucked me into bed, until I was 14, yeah that one. Anyway, I think about all the people I want God to bless. It's a long list. I truly care about SO many people, people I've never met, people I'll never meet. I care. My mind wanders, I start thinking about myself a little bit, things I... things my family needs. Then I think about those who have less. I know I am blessed.

In the process of thinking of my needs and what I have to give, or to sell in a rummage sale I think about all the "useless" things I have that I don't use. This is pretty much just CDs, DVDs and books I know I won't read again. I may think that I'll want to read them again, but reading books more than once is not something I typically do. Dunno why.

In my mental cleaning out of DVDs and CDs it goes through my head what I want to keep. What lifts me up? What message do I want the music I listen to give my children. It's not a hard question for me to answer, especially since my collection of Christian CDs and DVDs is a good size.

I think about what it will feel like to let go of some of that other stuff that I like, that touched me at one point, but that would probably benefit me to let go of. My D12 CD comes to mind... Why do I like Eminem anyway? :-P Probably his RAW emotion. The way he shouts and cusses, probably the way I want to some time, but I practice self restraint. Eminem lets it out for me.

We'll see what I do, I feel like cleaning things out of my life, it always feels nice to let some of that old stuff go, helps me know that I'm still me without it, even though I've clung to it at times.



Sorry if I don't make sense... like I said, lack of sleep.