I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Today was interesting. Sam left to go up North and show off his motorcycle, and I was feeling lonely. My apartment managers 12 year old daughter wanted to hang out with me and I was totally up for the company. First we went to have pictures taken at this market place. It was really different from anywhere I've ever went. It was sort of like a mall, but there weren't walls separating the stores, it was sort of like a warehouse, but things were the same price as they are in "real" stores. I dunno, it was pretty cool. The place we went for pictures was fairly cheap. Five dollars for nine wallet sized pictures. After that escapade we went to Taco Bell. Mmmm, so good. Back at the apartment complex I ran into Molly, the mom of the 12 year old I babysit, she needed a babysitter for a "few" hours tonight/last night. I said I could do it, even though Austin and I have colds. She was going to be in bed half and hour after she got here so I figured I'd be fine. So then I had two twelve year olds in my apartment. I have some clothes I'm going to give to Goodwill because I'm sick of them or they don't fit and the girls decided we were going to play dress up. It was fun, we picked out outfits and did eachothers make-up. Oh, and we danced to Barbie Girl and some other music. Then Lexie, the 12 year old I'm babysitting had to go to bed, and Andrea and I stayed up and watched "Raise Your Voice". Anyway, now there are two 12 year olds asleep in my apartment, and Austin's asleep on my bed. It's funny. I feel like a big sister or something. It was really fun to do kid stuff like that again. I mean, I wouldn't want to do it on a regular basis or anything, but it was awesome after such a long time of not doing it. :-)

My Big Boy

Austin rolled over from his back to his tummy this morning. I'm so proud. :-) I have been babysitting since 11am and it is just about 12am. Lucky for me it was between two different children, and they do sleep a fair amount of the time that they're here. Anyway, the one I'm "watching" now was suppose to leave an hour and a half ago, I'm a little frustrated cuz I have bible study tomorrow and I'm tired now... Life goes on though. Sam's been a sweety lately. It's great. He's been reminding me a lot of how he was when we first started dating. Not quite as sweet, but pretty close. :-) Kathy is coming to visit me in a week and a half! I'm very excited to have a visitor. She will be my first one! My apartment is too clean for me. I tidyed up while Sam had duty and the cleanliness is weirding me out. I'm not going to intentionally mess it up though... I dunno, something to get used to I guess. Well, I am way too drained to think of stuff to write, so I'm going to go. Good night.


COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Mar. 10th, 2005 09:05 am (local)

Congratulations, Austin! Before you know it, he'll be 9 months old like Maia. *cry*

About Me

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Amy
Birthday:	2/21
Birthplace:	Fond du Lac, WI
Current Location:	Fallbrook, CA
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brunette
Height:	62.5 inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	German, Sweedish, Dutch, Irish, French, Native American, Japanese
The Shoes You Wore Today:	White Strappy Sandles
Your Weakness:	Caring too much
Your Fears:	Being hurt
Your Perfect Pizza:	Cheese and Pepperoni, Thick crust
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Getting into some type of routine
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	Yeah
Thoughts First Waking Up:	My baby is SO cute
Your Best Physical Feature:	Eyes
Your Bedtime:	It varies
Your Most Missed Memory:	Spending time with Kathy
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Ick
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Sometimes
Do you Sing:	Often
Do you Shower Daily:	For the most part
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Already am
Do you belive in yourself:	Not enough
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Sometimes
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Do you play an Instrument:	No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep, or some really messed up accident where I die quickly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A mom of four and maybe a school teacher
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Brown
Favourite Hair Color:	Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	Tall (Over 6 Feet)
Weight:	180-190lbs
Best Clothing Style:	Casual dress (black khakis, clean tennies, and a t-shirt or button up
Number of Drugs I have taken:	2
Number of CDs I own:	Too many to count right now
Number of Piercings:	3
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Too many to count right now

Stressing

Yesterday Sam went to look at "motorcycles" and ended up coming home with one. It's a Ninja Z6XR? I think. Anyway it's lime green and really fast. He took me for a short ride to the video store on it. I was okay on the way there, but I prayed for safety the entire ride home. I was terrified. I'm not really a motorbike kind of person. But yeah, it's gonna end up costing us like $16,000.00 at the most, $9,000.00 at the least. But still, Sam makes under $17,000.00 a year. Ugh!!! And I thought he didn't spend enough time at home before.

On top of that I feel like I am coming into a delayed post pardem depression. I think it's too long after my pregnancy to technically call it that, but that's what it feels like. I have been having all of these paranoias and aggressive feelings, not toward the baby, but toward myself. It's like I can't keep the house clean enough, the laundry is never ending, I want to help with the income, but I don't want to lose time spent with my family... :-P

I miss having a best friend under 10 minutes away from me. I've been slowly but surely making more friends out here, but none of them compare to Kathy. I don't want to replace her, I just want someone I can call any time and be completely comfortable with, and get away with when I need to get away. I miss my best buds from VA too. :-(

On a happy note, it was in the mid seventies a few days ago, I layed out by the pool and got a tan, it was awesome. Oh, another happy thing... I submitted a poem to a poetry contest and it's in the semi-finals and people want to publish it in a book! I'm honored. It's so cool. 

Austin is three months old now. He can shake a rattle and get on his knees, like he's going to crawl, but he doesn't moves his arms, so he just ends up doing a wheel barrel sort of thing. He can sit for just under twenty seconds, and he's trying to roll over from his back to his front, but he gets stuck on his arm. He's been able to roll over from tummy to back for some time now. I love him!

Recently I began a bible study, actually just last Thursday. There's really no one my age in it, but that's alright, I get along with older people anyway. Plus not too many people my age have kids, so I can relate with people with a few more years than me.

Hopefully my Tricare Prime (The insurance that will fully cover me) kicks in soon, and I can get tested for allergies, and see a psychatrist, and go to the dentist! I think that will make a few things slightly less stressful. :-)

Hope everyone who reads this is doing well, if you're reading it and haven't written in a while, write something! I like to hear about your lives too. And for those of you who do write, keep it up! :-)

Me Time

I painted my finger and toe nails tonight. My fingernails are a funky purplish green swirl and my toes are light blue, purple, red, dark blue and green. My birthday was fun. I think it topped last years, which is awesome. Last year I was sort of down because a birthday without family doesn't even seem like a real birthday, no cake, no presents... just an empty feeling. This year was different though, no family, and no presents (on the actual day) BUT I did get a cake and a few cards and a really nice boquet of flowers. :-)

I'm going to the introduction of a bible study tomorrow morning. I should be sleeping, but I slept in the morning when I really didn't need to so I'm awake right now. Austin is screaming, but he's fed and changed and I don't think he has gas... He just really likes to be held. And I really like holding him so I'm not sure how to break him of the habbit.

Sam's gone tonight. He's got duty, and tomorrow he has ENDOC--I don't know if I wrote that right, but oh well, I've never been in the Navy so I don't have to know how to spell it. It's the first time in a long time that I have sincerely missed him when he's been away. Things have been nice lately. But every time I get comfortable with things going well they turn around on me... :P Ugh.

I haven't had to babysit at all this week. Lexie's dad just got back from Iraq and he's spending time with her. I've been enjoying my break. It's not like I watch her a lot, but I enjoy having more free time. Unfortunately I also enjoy having money to do things, so I have to do a little work. I was thinking about applying at Subway, but I'd like to see Sam once in a while, and I think that I'd probably really miss Austin if I got an outside job. I'm undecided yet.

Austin will be three months old tomorrow. My scale says he's 16 pounds.. such a big boy. His newest thing is squealing at the top of his lungs for the heck of it. It's cute and yet irritating. Reguardless I love him like crazy.

This Week

Sam and I were suppose to go up north this weekend to visit his family but he had a Shaklee meeting he was suppose to go to on Saturday so we canceled. He ended up not going, but the weather was sort of crappy anyway so I was alright with it.

On Friday night he had one of his friends over. Omigosh was this guy funny. He graduated the same year as me and used to do drugs. So he's a little messed up because of that, and he admits it. He's got a big heart though. He's engaged to a 16 year old that still lives in his home state of Iowa. Anyway he and Sam played video games all night and most of the next day.

Saturday night Sam was going to take me to hitch, but his cousin called us from Santa Barbara where she and a couple of friends had planned on staying... they couldn't find a hotel, so they decided to come and visit us. So we skipped the movie and went home to clean for their visit. While they were over Sam invited a couple of buddies to join the fun. I was ticked off for a while at first so I stayed in the bedroom and played on the computer. Then I got lonely so I put Austin to bed and drank a little. That lightened my spirits and I wasn't upset anymore. I had a lot of fun talking to Sam's cousin and her friends. It sort of made me wish I was still in college/tech school though. Or it at least made me wish I had more of a social life. The girls left in the early morning and the guy who had stayed the night before stayed the night again, he didn't live until like six pm. After that I think Sam just went on the computer.

Valentine's day went better than I expected. I woke up with a valentine from the girl I babysit for outside my door, my dad called in the afternoon, and Sam brought me home a sweet card and some chocolates. Lexie, the little girl I watch behaved better than usual, which was wonderful, and Austin was great as usual. After Sam went to bed I couldn't fall asleep so I played with Austin and watched The Notebook. It was a really good movie.

Today I have no plans. My scrap booking lady brought some stuff over this morning that she had ordered for me a couple of weeks ago and Sam came home early and crashed on the couch. I was thinking about making him steak for dinner. I wanted to yesterday, but he told me to wait until I wasn't babysitting. Tonight he has a Shaklee meeting and tomorrow I get to go to one in L.A.

Shaklee is some company that sells a bunch of stuff. Sam got us involved in it because he wants extra money for a motorcycle, but I don't think he's too interested in it. I'm not greatly interested in it, but that might change once I learn more about it.

Good News

I think I use my journal for venting too often so I've decided to write a message of good news this time. Today... well actually yesterday afternoon I took a ride to meet my scrap booking lady, Lynne and I got to see a little more of the town I live in. Anyway, it is far more gorgeous than I had ever imagined. The entire town is nestled in coastal hills. There are tons of flowers and orchards and there are so many different kinds of trees and cacti. As far as wild life goes I've seen Prarie Dogs, Squirrels and several different types of birds. I know there are also Coyotes, and who knows what else...

So, Sam is letting me play with a little bit of our tax return money and I've decided to spend some of it on scrap booking materials. Hence the new "scrap booking lady" Lynne. Lynne is a wonderfully sweet woman with five children. (Leslie, 14, Ellen, 12, Sarah, 8, Jack, 5, and Sam, 1) The two oldest girls look like clones of their mother and the little boys are SO adorable. The middle girl was at a friends so I didn't get the chance to meet her, but I plan on attending some scrap booking workshops and I will more than likely see her at one of those. Or perhaps I might see her at church, which leads me to my next subject.

Lynne and her family go to a Presbyterian church near where I live. I'm not exactly Presbyterian, if I had to call myself something I'd be Lutheran or Methodist, but I can adapt, and going to a church where I know someone more than myself has great appeal. I think Lynne is a really neat person and her family seems very nice so I don't imagine that "her" church would be bad. I guess I'll see how it goes for a while.

Sam has been back home this week. Our anniversary is Sunday and I'm really curious as to how it will work out. I'm really to anxious about the whole thing and it only stresses me out so I know that I need to relax. Things have been rough since he's been home. It doesn't seem like we've found solutions to any of our problems, therefore we keep having the same problems again and again. Maybe I should say I keep having the same problems again and again, I really don't think Sam cares about much. And I know he doesn't give as much thought to the things he cares about as I do to mine. Hopefully we can find a common ground and things can be peaceful.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the gym with my friend Rachel. We went to a club last week Wednesday and met a couple of cool guys and I stayed in contact with the one I danced with. The two of them might meet us at the gym tomorrow. I'm glad I actually found someone to be friends with. I might be naive for thinking that I can be friends with a guy and he's not going to want anymore, but Joey (that's his name) seems really understanding that I have a husband and a child and I that I am doing everything in my power to make things work with my husband. Joey is a Marine that recently got back from Iraq and is going to be out of the Marine Corps within the next week. He's originally from Texas... Lynne is originally from Indiana.

Tonight I talked with my "friend" Russell from Blockbuster. He's a really nice guy and we bumped into eachother outside of the video store once, it was actually quite odd. We met at the county clerks office in San Marcos, about 40 minutes from where we live. Anyway, all the people at Blockbuster are nice. If I wanted an outside job I'd definately apply there.

I suppose I should go. I plan on getting up and ready to go to the gym in six and a half hours.

**EDIT:(8/16/10)

Laughing my behind off at how naive I was.  WOW!!!  I'll try to give myself a little credit by mentioning I was just under 20 years old and still working to be the best wife possible.  --I don't even remember the "boys" I mentioned here.  My jaw dropped actually when I read that I stayed in contact with someone I met at the club my first time going out.  I must have just got the number b/c no calls were made and Rachel and I definitely didn't meet up with anyone at the gym.  I don't even think we ever went to the gym together.  *END EDIT