#3

all is good on the western front.

Simmering

Do you think supressing feelings makes you close off to everyone and everything else? I think it might. We can't all act on everything, by anymeans. I feel eithing like I'm imploding or like I'm a volcano getting ready to burst. Maybe I'll implode then burst. I dunno. I hope I don't do either.

wtf

So, Sammy's been half-heartedly trying to get into my pants since we've been out here. It has no effect on me, which is why I haven't mentioned it up to this point. Today, however, along with his whatever (guess you could call it a sexual inuendo kind of talk) he all of a sudden brings up that if I moved back out here he and his aunt would help me out with rent and whatnot til I could get on my own feet. He also stated that anything is possible and something along the lines of possibly trying to work things out if I lived out here.

I think I had a pretty blank reaction but it really made me go wtf?

Thankfully it doesn't sound appealing to me in any way. I miss warmth and the ocean and I'd love to be a little closer to fam, but being around Sam for more than two weeks is bound to cause damaging drama.

Fun

I'm having lots of fun in California. The energy level here is wayyy up compared what I'm used to and I'm getting to have adventures. It's great!! I may get to go out on the river again today. We went to the ocean yesterday. The last time we went to the river there was a sea lion, which is uncommon for around here. It was so cool! Other than that the kids are having a great time. They're getting tons of attention and lots of outside time. Yayyyy!

4.5 Weeks

It's still just over a month, but in four and a half weeks I will have my first OB appointment... It's going to be one day before I start my 2nd trimester. I am so excited, and a little scared. I hope everything is still okay with the baby, and will continue to be okay. :-S At least my trip to California should make things seem to go faster. :-) In two weeks I will be going on my 3rd month of being pregnant and I have lost 2.5lbs. I'm entertained by this b/c I do not lose weight during my pregnancies, even if it is the first trimester. I'm eating when I'm hungry, and hardly any junk food, I stopped drinking caffeine, but I throw up a lot. (You wanted to hear that I'm sure.) I can't eat very big meals at all or I get really sick. :-P That's all for now folks! ;-)

California Dreaming

I miss cruising and concerts, clubs...flowers and palm trees... swimming in a pool that was right outside my door all but three months of the year.
the ocean. needing sunglasses and sunscreen all the time... living next to base... when my two best friends lived next to me... long walks... still feeling like a kid, a little bit.


I don't miss the hell I was going through, the reason's I needed to pay so much attention to all those things... so I wouldn't go completely crazy. For as bad of a time as it was, I sure did have a lot of fun. :-P

*30 Things*

30 Things I Want to Do
30 Things I Want to Be
30 Things I Want to Have

(My list from a couple of years ago... Some repeat b/c some of the things I want to do/be/and have are closely related. ;-P)

DO 1. Be a teacher
BE 1. Teacher
HAVE 1. The ability to make others see they are special
DO 2. Write a book/Have something published
BE 2. Author/Writer
HAVE 2. A tanzanite ring
DO 3. Trust God
BE 3. Saved
HAVE 3. A laptop/A portable workplace to work on my photography
DO 4. Change/Influence someone's life
BE 4. Inspirational
HAVE 4. Motivation to do and get what I want
DO 5. Get a AS/BA/MBA?
BE 5. Wise
HAVE 5. An AS/BA/MBA
DO 6. Be teacher of the year
BE 6. Loved/Admired/Adored
HAVE 6. The means to see my fam&friends whenever
DO 7. Be in more plays
BE 7. Actress
HAVE 7. A movie editing program
DO 8. Take great pictures
BE 8. Photographer
HAVE 8. A high quality camera
DO 9. Go to Mexico
BE 9. Unforgettable
HAVE 9. Recognition (not neccessarily fame)
DO 10. New Years in New York
BE 10. Designer
HAVE 10. The means to get a ped/manicure whenever
DO 11. Go to Japan
BE 11. Friend
HAVE 11. One to a few outside animals or no allergies
DO 12. Be a flight attendant
BE 12. Flight Attendant
HAVE 12. My own library
DO 13. Play piano
BE 13. Domestic Goddess
HAVE 13. The ability to make tastey&healthy meals
DO 14. Play the violin
BE 14. Conservationist
HAVE 14. A good, dependable babysitter
DO 15. Play guitar/at least some songs
BE 15. Active Community Member
HAVE 15. A close group of friends
DO 16. play flute?
BE 16. Proffesor
HAVE 16. Someone I love who loves me back
DO 17. Be 115lbs/heathy
BE 17. Model
HAVE 17. Ideal body
DO 18. Have a big family
BE 18. Mother
HAVE 18. A big family
DO 19. Ride a horse
BE 19. Funny
HAVE 19. A healthy/fun sex life
DO 20. Visit all 50 states
BE 20. Well-rounded/Cultured
HAVE 20. A house (home near ocean or body of water)
DO 21. Be friends w/ a person of "high esteem"
BE 21. Musician
HAVE 21. A "famous" friend
DO 22. Get my blackbelt
BE 22. Nice
HAVE 22. A permanent campsite
DO 23. See the Parthenon
BE 23. Fair
HAVE 23. Laser hair removal surgery
DO 24. Go to a Hollywood awards show
BE 24. Loyal
HAVE 24. Perfect eyesight
DO 25. See the pyramids
BE 25. Positive
HAVE 25. A meadow
DO 26. Take singing lessons
BE 26. Singer
HAVE 26. Swimming pool
DO 27. See a NFL game
BE 27. Upper-middle class
HAVE 27. A new car
DO 28. See the Cistine Chapel
BE 28. Confident
HAVE 28. Awesome collecton of lingerie
DO 29. Have a pic published (National Geographic/Time Magazine)
BE 29. Fufilled
HAVE 29. A beautiful, special proposal/wedding
DO 30. Be bi/tri-lingual
(sign language)
(spanish)
(japaese)
BE 30.
HAVE 30. The ability to speak diff. languages