It's A Good Day!

Alright so I've had good days since last Thursday but they haven't really been good in the sense that today is. Yesterday Sam and I had a serious conversation after about an hour of me moping around. He is seeming supportive and that makes me feel SO much better. Today I got to sleep in, which was deliciously nice after having to work two days in a row. Oh I know I'm a whiner when a lot of people work more than two days in a row, but I've been babied since I've been out here. Speaking of babied... Sam did ALL of the dishes yesterday, it was so sweet of him because I hadn't done them in a super long time. (I hate doing the dishes) I think since Easter we've been doing very well, and I almost hate to admit it because I don't want to jinx us. Hey, I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the first time yesterday. It was funny... There are "little" kids screwing around at the library right now and it's annoying. I feel like a humbug for saying that but I wouldn't be annoyed if they were playing in an environment where playing was appropriate, and they're old enough to know better. I'm really hoping Sam will call me before my time is up at the library. I wore the wrong kind of shoes to do so much walking. I might have to go bare-foot home if he doesn't call me and then I might cut myself, and it's already been said that I'm a whiner. Hmmm- Other than the serious something in my life... Well, I don't know if my bestest bud is avoiding me, but she didn't call last night and she usually does. It's not like I usually talk for long when Sam's around, but ya know I married him for a reason and it has to do with liking his company and when he's home I can do that. When he's not home I love to be social, and sometimes when he is home and we're having our differences I also love to be social. Alicia, you know what I mean. (Hey- By the way I miss you!) Anyway, since Sam and I have been getting along more often lately I haven't seen or talked to a few of my friends in a while. Oh, I know I'm being lazy by not e-mailing this but Kathy- if you come to visit in the first two weeks of June Sam's going to be gone for five days while you're here. Thought you might like to know that.- Well I've got five minutes and more that I want to look up. Chao.

Blb Blb Blb...

I really have had no motivation to write in this lately. I mean, I guess the motivation to write in it is there, but then when I have the blank screen in front of me my mind goes blank. I guess there's a lot that I could talk about, but I have to talk to family members before I tell more non-family members. I'm terrified. I really shouldn't be the few family members I have told have been really supportive. Ugh... I don't even know how Sam feels about anything because I'm too afraid to bring it up. We've been getting along better than normal lately and I'm afraid that if I bring up something so serious it will ruin that. It's been in the 80's/90's since Saturday. I love the weather but it sure does make me sweat a lot. Soon I get to go home and see if Sam and I have to pay a $500 fine to the DMV. Oh joy, oh bliss... I had a horrible dream early this morning where I was screaming and screaming and throwing a huge fit but nothing was going my way... Hmmmm... I am seriously bewildered.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
Apr. 22nd, 2004 12:21 pm (local)
Don't worry hun... things will get much easier once you tell people. It pulls a huge weight off of your chest. If you need to talk, you have my number. Oh and I wanted to mention too... I don't have free long distance on my cellphone, so it'd actually be better if you call me. I don't know if you have free long distance on your phone or not, but I can't really afford to be paying the however many cents per minute charge to call outside of my service area. Bleh. Let me know and take care.

A Little More Happy

My grandparents are in VA visiting me. Yesterday we went to the botanical gardens and to the beach- and to the driving range. I got a sunburn. It was fun. At the beach I played in the ocean, which I love very much. Today Grammy and Grandpa took me to Walmart to get my glasses fixed, now they don't have duck tape on them anymore! Soon we are going to VA Beach to visit some souvineir shops. Sam has a full physical today. He should be done with it by now. I hope that he's alright. He has to have blood work and he doesn't like needles. I am a very thirsty person it seems lately. Water is good, and I never really liked it before. Other than shopping today we might all go to the zoo. It should be fun. It's suppose to be in the upper 80's. I plan on actually swimming today! Grammy and Grandpa's hotel is right on the ocean!! They're leaving tomorrow which is going to bite. With them here it feels like really home, sort of like they've always been here. Grandpa is somewhat impatient, I think he wants to leave. I'll write again when I can. I've got a bike now so it should be a lot easier to get to the library.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
Apr. 19th, 2004 05:36 am (local)
I'm glad you had a good time with your grandparents! That's really nice that they came to visit. Virginia sounds like a beautiful place. Strangely enough, it was about 85 here earlier in the week already. I was dying 'cause I didn't have any summer maternity clothes yet. lol. I was expecting it to reach 80 degrees so soon. Now it's in the 50's. I shall never understand Wisconsin weather.
Take care!

Ay Ay Ay-

**EDIT: 6/29/10
I think I must have just found out I was pregnant with Austin, either that I was researching things at the library and freaking out.
END EDIT*

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And that is how I feel!

COMMENTS:
crying_heart_02 wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2004 08:03 am (local)
I am sorry u feel that way amy.. I have thoughs days more then once. Blah. so i know how you feel.
katie.

summer_mommy wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2004 01:31 pm (local)
That sounds confusing. :( Hope you feel better soon.

mychrysalis wrote:
Apr. 16th, 2004 04:16 pm (local)
::big hugs:: don't worry, I know you'll figure it out. I'm praying for you!

hopeathy wrote:
Apr. 17th, 2004 03:48 pm (local)
Do what YOU want to do, not what someone else is telling you to. Either way, I'm still here for you.

Owy!

I've got a headache. Sam came home early today, which is wonderful. We had a nice day yesterday. Um, I'm sure there's a bunch I could write about but this headache is very distracting. I'll write again when possible.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:
Apr. 12th, 2004 07:01 am (local)
Awww! I hope your headache goes away soon. Glad to hear that you had a pleasant Easter too. Take care.

I've Had Better Days

Okay, so this morning Sam and I were all cooey cuz we had a nice night last night and okay so I said, could you call me when you get home from work (I just wanted to know when he was home so I had something to look forward to when I was done working) Anyway, at around 1:30 I was told I could go home and Sam hadn't called yet. I said I'd stay a little longer and that I didn't need to get paid for it because if I left I'd just be at home by myself... So I went for a walk with Juliana and Ethan. I decided to call Sam when I was getting a little annoyed by the kids running very far ahead of me and trying to pick their neighbors flowers. To my surprise he answered and I was like hey, how are you? and he was like i'm good and then I asked him if he was done with work and he said yeah i'm home and then I asked why he didn't call me like he said he would and he didn't answer, and then I asked again and he said that he had a couple of buddies over and then I hung up on him. I went back to the house where I babysit and the mom was like, I can pay you, and I said it didn't matter and then she said let me call the kids dad to see when he'll be here. (He gets them for a little while before Easter.) So she called him and he was on the street, so she didn't need me anymore. So I angrily drove home accelerating whenever possible. I tried to get ahold of Shannon but I guess he must have been working still. I was hoping that he'd be at his apartment and I'd have somewhere to runaway to. After that plan failed I was going to visit Alicia. But then I thought what if the people she works for have a couple extra days off for Easter? I didn't want to get her in trouble so that idea was out. Then I thought, well I can just go to the library, but I wanted to go home first because I knew I didn't have any e-mails and I wasn't sure what else I would do. I wasn't in a journal mood really. Oh, my other option was to go to the driving range, but my excuse for not doing that was I was nervous about going on base by myself. Alright, I got home and slammed a couple things around when I first walked in, that was after seeing Sam in his pjs and two strangers in my house. Then I went to my room and started reading. Now for my main point or thought. (I bet you didn't think I'd ever get to it.) I was reading the book "Why Am I Up, Why Am I Down" and it's about bipolar disorder. I have a lot of the symptoms, not to admit that I'm crazy or anything, but then again some things just don't fit. But a couple things that really caught my attention were the following;

-people with bipolar disorder often can't control their moods
-sometimes the onset of a manic episode is like a seizure
-people who are involved in the creative arts are more likely to have bipolar disorder

And then there was a list of things that can lead up to bipolar disorder and I, like a lot of people, have experienced a lot of things on the list. Right now though, as sad as this may sound I feel like I'm freaking out. I can feel the blood going through my body I'm shaking, sort of on the verge of a nervous breakdown but not quite and I don't know how to calm down. If I didn't have to save money I would go shopping and I know that would help.

Today when I was babysitting I swept and did dishes. It kept me busy. It was a lot easier than my five hour cleaning escapade in the apartment yesterday...

I need a friend.

COMMENTS:
summer_mommy wrote:

Apr. 8th, 2004 07:03 am (local)
Sorry I'm not there to give you this... *big hug* I find that cleaning keeps me occupied too. Yesterday, I was feeling really restless and I just started walking from room to room looking for things to tidy up. My dad was shocked when he got home from work. lol. But some girls have told me it's anxiety about the baby -- I guess a lot of expectant mothers have that. *shrug* I don't know. I hope you start feeling better soon!

Love yas!

hopeathy wrote:

Apr. 8th, 2004 01:40 pm (local)
You have a friend.
I wish we lived closer so that when you got like this I could be there for you. You know that you can call me any time day or night. I can't fly down there at the drop of a hat, but I will be there for two weeks in June. I don't know what to tell you except that you can always count on me. I'm here for you. Call me if you want to. -Kat

No Time

Well, Sam had PT this morning and now he has the rest of the day off, we came to the library so I could take care of our phone plans and make us have less bills. I have two minutes left and I should still check the bank account, but I wanted to write. So finally yesterday Sam and I started getting along again, it wasn't until 8pm but that's better than it never getting better. Today has been wonderful and I hope it stays wonderful, but things can change in the snap of a finger. We're going grocery shopping after I get kicked off the computer. I think that he's going to go to SAR school for a month, I'm going to be SO lonely. Anyway, I really do need to check the bank account now. Someday I'll have the internet at home.

COMMENTS:
hopeathy wrote:

Apr. 7th, 2004 04:17 pm (local)

Someday...
Someday we'll live near each other and neither one of us will have to be lonely. Until get into one of my moods and bring us both down. But that doesn't happen all that often. Two years? In how many years? *sigh* I guess we'll just have to wait. I'm hoping that you and Sam can get along while he's home so that if he does have to leave for a month, it will be in good terms. I hope that you continue to enjoy your new job and keep making new friends. As long as you don't forget the old, we're good. :P Talk to you soon! -Kat